


Story of us

by anotherouatwriter



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Divorce, F/F, First Love, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Memory box, Second Chances, Young Love, second chance at first love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherouatwriter/pseuds/anotherouatwriter
Summary: Successful divorce lawyer, Regina Mills, has to return to her hometown to end her own marriage to her high school sweetheart, Emma Swan, who is being very obtuse about the whole situation.But what happens when a trip down memory lane starts stirring her forgotten ambitions and feelings and her past starts catching up with her present? Will she be able to go back to the life that means little to her, or she will choose to follow her teenager dreams this time?
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 59
Kudos: 193
Collections: Swan Queen Supernova V: Forever Starstruck





	1. PART I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [this is me trying [FANVID]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229265) by [DitchingNarnia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DitchingNarnia/pseuds/DitchingNarnia). 



> I'm not a fan of big notes at the beginning of a fic. But I thought I might mention some people so here it goes. Big thanks to Ell, my beta, for going above and beyond for this story, I'm so thankful to have met you. 
> 
> To Sara, the person who not only did an amazing fanvid, but also gave some input with the plot - go and give her some love. 
> 
> To Chris, for her everlasting support: you are the greatest friend I've met online and hopefully someday we'll meet in real life. 
> 
> To Terena, who - what feels like years ago - helped me out with the first chapter titles. 
> 
> To the SQSN team, for keeping the swen spirit alive!  
> 
> 
> And lastly, to you, for reading my work! I hope you like it!
> 
> ✵
> 
> All chapters, their intros and titles, and the story title were inspired by Taylor Swift and her beautiful music.

**PART I**

_Losing her was blue like I'd never known  
_ _Missing her was dark grey, all alone_  
_Forgetting her was like trying to know somebody you never met  
_ _But loving her was_ **red**


	2. the 1

_But we were something, don't you think so?  
_ _Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool  
_ _And if my wishes came true  
_ _It would've been you._

* * *

The car is completely quiet, not even the radio is on. She groans and tightens her hands around the wheel, her knuckles go white. She tries to concentrate on the trees and the clouds but it’s in vain. The conversation she had yesterday with her boss keeps coming back like a song that’s stuck in your head that you can’t get over. 

_“You’ll have to go home and convince her, Regina.”_ her boss, Mrs. Harrington, had said. “ _I don’t know anyone with a greater power of convincing. That’s what makes you a great divorce lawyer,”_ she said in a way that somehow didn’t feel like a compliment.

If she was being completely honest with herself, Regina doesn’t even know how she got into divorce law. When she first started law school, she wanted to change the world, make a difference, leave her footprint; now she’s helping rich cheaters leave their spouses on the streets, leaving children with a broken home. Her twenty year old self would be ashamed of the monster she had become. 

“ _Just take some days off, go back home and get it settled,”_ her boss had suggested and with the nonchalant wave of her hand, her boss had decided that the conversation was over. 

Easier said than done. These days it felt like she could go anywhere she wanted just not home.

Home. _Storybrooke, Maine._ She thinks, and on cue the welcome sign appears on the horizon. Was that even home anymore? She was born and raised in the little city, this is where she had had all her firsts there, but the two times she had gone after separating from Emma, she had felt like an outsider. Everything looked the same, but it all felt different - people and places felt different.

“ _Boston’s finest divorce lawyer can’t get her own divorce; you must understand how that would make the firm look if word got out,_ ” plays again and again in her mind, mocking and distracting her from the ride. She punches a button and the radio comes to life. The reception is weak, but hearing static is better than hearing her thoughts. 

She agrees with one thing, five years _was_ a long time to drag a divorce, but Regina couldn’t do anything if her wife was stubbornly refusing to sign the damn papers. It’s not as if she can point a gun to Emma’s head and make her sign, even though the option is starting to sound tempting. 

She looks ahead, her sight sometimes drifting to the sides of the road where people parked their cars. It's late spring and people are enjoying the sunny day. The lawyer tries not to reminisce in the past and play with the “what-ifs” of decisions she took. Almost all of them were haunted by her wife. It used to hurt, now it’s just a numbness in her heart. 

But coming back home, she can’t ignore the biggest what-if of her life. That’s why she hates coming to Storybrooke. She sighs at the sight of happy couples and families cheerfully eating and talking. That had been her dream, once upon a time. Now, the only thing she has is a cold office and a reputation she’s not proud of: The Queen of Divorcees, the Evil Queen. 

Mrs. Harrington was right. She had to convince Emma and she probably would have to resort to blackmailing. Just planning on going to Storybrooke hurt; she needed to start thinking about self-preservation. What was done was done, the past was in the past. Might as well cut all ties with her past and what she used to be. This was her life now; this was who she was. _The Queen of Divorcees_ echoes in her mind.

Regina doesn’t stop until she parks her car in front of Granny’s dinner and pauses to think of her next move. Before leaving Boston, she texted both her sister and best friend to let them know she was coming to Storybrooke. Telling her sister had proven to be a mistake, though. Of course her sister had told her parents, and her one night trip had changed into a week-long stay; the real reason behind her impromptu trip was still a secret to her parents.

She exits the car with uncertainty. Of all the places Kathryn could pick for lunch, she had to choose the one owned by the one and only Ruby Lucas, Emma’s best friend, and her grandmother. She was sure her meal would have an extra of saliva if Ruby saw her. Maybe she should just stick to bottled beverages and eat at Zelena’s house, it wouldn’t be the first time she skipped a meal. 

Soon, her thoughts are interrupted by two women and a teen leaving the dinner. It’s Emma with two strangers. Emma and the other woman are completely immersed in a conversation and pass by Regina without even noticing her. The child follows close behind, typing on his phone.

An “ _Emma_ ,” leaves her mouth without consent. She curses herself for sounding breathless. It’s been a while since she saw the blonde. 

It makes the blonde stop talking to the brunette who was with her and turn around. Green eyes go from curious to confused to hurt when she realizes who called her. 

“Didn’t know you were in town.” she points out, her tone cold and distant, as she slides an arm around the other woman, a brunette. 

The brunette snuggles close to Emma, obviously enjoying the touch. They look at ease together and it feels like a knife to Regina’s heart. Regina swallows the pain and manages to talk:

“Just arrived,” 

“Visiting your parents?” 

Regina hums, and her eyes travel from Emma and the brunette to the teen with them, “Among other things,” her eyes go back to Emma. “Listen, can we talk?” 

“Dunno,” Emma says in that lazy language that Regina hated when she used, she probably does it on purpose now. “Kinda busy right now,” her hold tightens on the brunette. 

“I see,” she answers and hopes her voice doesn’t waver. What is it about Emma Swan that has so much power over her? She was not a lovesick teenager anymore. “Please, let me know when you have some time. It’s urgent.” 

Emma looks unfazed, and somehow that hurts more than the arm around the other woman. “Sure, I’ll pass by later.” she says nonchalantly and motions her companions for them to continue walking. 

They leave talking and laughing at something the teenage boy had shown them on his phone. Regina is left behind without Emma giving her a second look; granted, after everything they have been through, she deserves it. Regina is rooted in place and lost in her thoughts. Why does the sight hurt her so much? She was over Emma. It had been young love and now they were grown ups. She should be fine with Emma moving on. Apparently, she’s not. 

“That’s Lily,” Ruby chimes in from behind her, bringing Regina back to reality, “And before you turn green, Emma is just trying to piss you off.” 

“ _I’m not_ \- ” Regina tries to sound outraged, but the other woman interrupts her.

“Sure, honey.” Ruby shrugs and starts walking towards the diner “Your usual?” 

“I guess...” 

Regina sighs and gives one last look to the group of three who are walking down Main Street before following Ruby into the dinner. 

She wonders if Ruby actually remembers her order, as she makes her way towards the table where Kathryn was waiting for her. She gets her answer a couple of minutes later, when the waitress comes back with a black coffee with a dash of vanilla and a butter cookie on the side. The lawyer can’t help but to be surprised. She had expected resentment from her wife’s best friend. 

“How do you know, though?” Regina asks after she takes a sip of her coffee, “that Emma is trying to piss me off?” she elaborates. 

Kathryn and Ruby laugh. Ruby looks over at the other customers to see if someone wants to order something else before sliding next to Kathryn. The two of them look at each other, as if they are deciding whether to share the information with Regina or not. Finally, both nod and turn to face her. 

“Because Emma hasn’t been with anyone since you left her,” the waitress answers. 

_Since you left her._ The words are true, but cut straight through her soul. 

“I find that hard to believe,” Regina scoffs and crosses her arms. Emma is basically everything anyone would want. She must have a list of suitors. 

“It’s not for the lack of people trying…” Kathryn provides, “She’s just… not interested.” 

“There are seven billion people in the world. Surely someone is interesting.” 

“ _Surely,_ but it doesn’t matter, since none of them are you,” Ruby leans back and rests her arm on the top cap of the booth. 

“Why are you telling me this? You,” she points at Kathryn, “I get, you are my best friend. But, aren’t you supposed to be hers?” Regina protests. She has always been protective of Emma, and Ruby should not be betraying her trust by telling Regina all this. “You should be on her side, not mine.” 

If Emma actually wanted Regina to be jealous, Ruby should be shoving her tongue down Emma’s throat, not telling Regina about Emma’s plans. A made up picture of the two friends kissing pops in her mind, it’s followed by a pang below her ribs. _I’m fine with Emma moving on_ , Regina repeats to herself.

“I’m telling you because you two were good together.” the waitress answers “And I have a feeling you’d still be good together, if you’d get your shit together. Also, I hate Lily.” 

“Ruby…” She’s tired of having this conversation with people: with her parents, with Zelena, with Kathryn. Why couldn’t people understand it was over? It was over the moment Emma decided not to come with Regina to Boston. 

“Whatever, I’ve said my piece.” she raises her hands in surrender and stands up from their booth. From the sound of it, she has also had this conversation before. “Enjoy the coffee, it is on the house.”


	3. all too well

_Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much_ _  
__But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up_ _  
__Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well_

* * *

  
Despite her sister and her parents insisting that Regina stays at one of their houses so she’s not alone, Regina ends up staying at her old house. She loves her family, but right now she needs space and quiet - as if she didn’t have that every single day in her life. Besides, Emma had promised she’d pass by. The divorce was her priority right now. 

She walks down the empty house remembering the days when Emma used to share it with her. The halls and rooms used to be filled with their photos and Emma’s laughter. The pictures are gone now, probably stored in the attic, and Emma’s laugh is a memory too hurtful to recall. 

There used to be fresh flowers on the living room table. Emma used to bring them every Monday and Thursday because she knew Regina liked how their house smelled. Now the table is naked and it smells like the house had been closed for too long. 

It feels as if something has died there. She opens the windows to let some fresh air in.

 _Love._ She reminds herself, love had died here. 

Regina will never understand why Emma never insisted on selling the house. They had bought it together because Regina had fallen in love with it the moment they saw it, too high on the dream of their future children running around. But Regina would have agreed to sell it if asked. Everything that had made Regina love the house was in the past now. 

When writing the divorce papers, Regina had proposed for her to keep the house and Emma to keep their shares in her parents’ company since Emma had always been more involved in the organic apple farm her parents owned than she had. Her lawyer had advised against it, warning the shares were worth more than the house, plus they were her family’s business. Regina didn’t mind, she didn’t and still doesn’t hate Emma; she just doesn’t love her anymore. 

Her treacherous heart skips a beat, calling out her lie. 

She plays with her wedding ring as she gets lost once again in her thoughts. Ever since she left for Boston, she has carried the ring hanging from a necklace. Even though it’s a reminder of the love she lost, it keeps her grounded, as if carrying a little piece of someone who had loved her would make her feel less lonely. 

Sometimes she would wonder if Emma still carried hers, if she still found comfort in the love they once shared. It’s weird and unhealthy; a shrink would have a day trip with her, she’s aware, but she can’t help it. Emma had been an important part of her life, and just because they hadn’t worked out it didn’t mean she regretted any of it. 

It is past ten in the evening when it becomes clear to Regina that she has been stood up and that Emma won’t be coming by as she said. It makes Regina’s blood boil with anger. Emma always kept her word. It has to be this woman’s - _Lily’s -_ doing.

The trip to Emma’s apartment was a short one, short enough to fuel her anger instead of calming her down. _Who the hell did Emma think she was?_ She chuckles evilly to herself. When Ruby had written down Emma's address on a crumpled napkin back at the diner, she probably didn’t expect that Regina’s first visit to Cornelia Street would be to yell at her friend. 

She knocks at the door two times before someone opens it. It’s the teenage boy who was with Emma at the diner. He was lanky, as most teenagers, and his clothes looked like they were two sizes too big. 

“Who are you?” the teen asks, tilting his head to one side. Regina can’t tell if his tone is curious or confused. 

“I’m Regina Mills,” she answers and tries to look past him, did she have the wrong address? “I’m sorry is this -”

“Henry!” a voice that plagued Regina’s daydreams and nightmares interrupted her. “What have I told you about opening the door to strangers?”

“But, I checked through the doorhole! It’s the lady you were talking to today at Granny’s!” 

“And to you, she _is_ a stranger.” Emma appears behind Henry, her arms crossed. 

“I’m Henry,” he introduced himself, “Emma adopted me, she’s also single. You're pretty. Are _you_ single?” 

“Henry!” Emma scolds him. “We’ve been -,” 

“No, Henry. I’m not single,” Regina talks over whatever Emma wanted to say, she can see the pout forming on his face, “And neither is Emma; she’s my wife.” 

That is followed by the most awkward silence Regina had ever experienced. Neither Henry or Emma say a word. Henry’s mouth is hanging open and his eyes go from one woman to the other. Emma looks calm, but Regina knows her well enough to know she’s angry. _Very_ angry.

“Henry, go to your room.” 

“You are _married_!?” he squeaks when he asks his adoptive mother. “Why didn’t you say anything? Is it because she’s a woman? Because you know I don’t care.” He looks betrayed and Regina almost feels guilty about telling him something that Emma had kept a secret. But then she remembers that Emma is the one that hasn’t signed the papers, she is the one being stubborn, so her guilt morphs into apathy. 

“No, I _was_ married.” Emma answers cooly, “Now go to your room. And no screens for a week. That’ll teach you not to open the door to strangers.” the blonde puts an emphasis on the last words as she looks at Regina. 

If looks could kill, Regina would be dead right now. Emma is livid. Regina can tell from her composed tone. Emma is the type of person who is always loud except when she’s trying to control her anger. 

Henry walks away muttering words that Regina could not make out. She watches him retreat, figuring it was safer to look at him than at Emma. They remain in silence until a door slam shakes them up. 

“You had no right!” Emma points a finger at her “You can give me hell all you want, but you don’t get to drag Henry into your bullshit.” 

Regina remains almost calm. “Do you think I _want_ to be here? In this town where everything reminds me of you? Of us? Having this conversation?” 

“No one is asking you to,” Emma accuses in an angry tone, “We would all be happier if you left. That’s what you do best, anyway.” Emma says, her words always shoot to kill when she’s mad. 

“I’ll leave as soon as you sign the divorce papers.”

Emma sighs as she drags a hand down her face. She doesn’t look angry anymore, she looks exhausted. “Did you even check the box I left at your house like I told you to?” 

Again with the stupid box. Emma had brought this up every time Regina talked about the divorce. It made Regina want to tear her hair out. “I fail to see how that is relevant to this conversation.” She didn’t want to go through Emma’s old shirts and pictures of them.

“Well, maybe you should. It would save me from the _pleasure_ of seeing you. Goodbye, Regina.” the blonde says and closes the door in Regina’s face. 

The brunette stares at the door for longer than she would have to admit. She looks at the light that escapes from below the door and notices there’s a shadow on the other side. She wonders if Emma is behind the door, feeling as lost and hurt as she feels, trying to understand what those feelings mean. There’s a part of her that’s itching to knock on the door, a voice that is begging her to talk to Emma, ask where they went wrong. 

Then the shadow from the other side of the door retracts and her inner voice quiets. 

Regina shakes her head and straightens the invisible wrinkles on her shirt. Talk, with Emma. What a stupid idea. Time to go home, check the stupid box and get over it.   
  



	4. new year's day

_Don't read the last page  
_ _But I stay when it's hard or it's wrong or you're making mistakes  
_ _I want your midnights  
_ _But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day_

* * *

Regina opens a bottle of wine, doesn’t even bother picking up a glass, and heads up to their room.  _ Her  _ room, she corrects herself. She knows she’ll need a lot of alcohol to get through whatever Emma had planned for her. 

Finding the box is not hard. It’s in what used to be Emma’s side of the closet. By now it’s covered with the dust that has collected over the years and Regina has to clean it with a towel before placing it on the bed. 

The box is nothing out of the ordinary. It’s a normal moving box, it’s not labelled but it has a couple of doodles on the corners, that Regina recognized right away. Emma had done them when they were moving into the house. 

Taking a gulp straight from the bottle, she opens the box. Inside, there are three, small wooden boxes and a larger one. They are labeled and numbered from one to four. All of them are locked but one, the first one. 

“For fucks sake,” Regina mutters. Does Emma really think she had time for games? “This is ridiculous.” 

Rolling her eyes, she picks up the box with the number one, it’s one of the small ones. It is apple green and it reads  _ ‘For when you need to be reminded why I feel in love with you _ .’ 

This is going to be good. And by  _ ‘good _ ’ she means a total disaster. She takes another gulp of wine before opening the box. 

Inside, there are no letters, but she notices two tickets and a notebook laying on a small pile of golden confetti. Confused, she takes the tickets out. One of them she recognizes right away. It’s a ticket for the first screening of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. She can’t help it as her mind goes down memory lane. 

✵

_ July 2009  _

Her palms are getting sweaty as she nervously waits for Emma to come out of work. She is leaning against her car, trying to look unbothered, hoping she would not get rejected. 

She had met Emma a couple of weeks ago, and ever since, the blonde had talked about how badly she wanted to watch the new Harry Potter movie but Storybrooke didn’t have a cinema and she didn’t have a car nor money to go to Boston. 

So, Regina had asked her parents if she could go and stay with Zelena, who was currently living there with her husband and daughter, and bought tickets to the first screening on a whim. Now, she just had to ask Emma if the blonde wanted to come with her. 

“Hey!” she is so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Emma until the blonde was standing next to her, “Not that I mind, but what are you doing here?” she asks with a smile that made Regina’s worries melt away. 

“Um - I have a present for you.” 

“Why? You know my birthday is in October.” 

“Because we are friends and friends do nice things for each other...?” it is supposed to be a statement, but it came out as a question. 

“Cool,” she answers but it sounds like a _ kewl _ instead. 

“So, you’re always talking about Harry Potter.” 

“Yes, I know. Ruby always tells me it’s annoying, especially to other people.” The blonde starts rambling, “But I’m a Potterhead, so it’s something I can’t really control like my thought are -,”

“Stop, stop,” Regina places her hands on Emma’s shoulders, “I don’t mind. I mean, I’m not a Potterhead, whatever _ that  _ means, but I like to hear you talk about it.” she actually finds it very endearing, but she’d never admit that outloud. 

“Oh,” 

“Yes. So…” Regina clears her throat, “You were saying how you wanted to watch the movie, but there’s no cinema here and you don’t have enough money to pay for the trip and the night there and the entrance. And my sister lives in Boston, and she invited me to my niece’s birthday so I’ll go anyway, and I checked for the tickets and I bought two. For us.” Now she’s the one rambling. 

Emma is silent for a few seconds before a huge smile appears on her face. She jumps forwards and engulfed Regina in a bone crushing hug. 

“Are you for real?” she says into Regina’s ear before pulling away. “I think I love you, Regina Mills.” 

_ I think I love you too _ .

✵

_ Present  _

Regina looks down at the ticket with a little bit of nostalgia. That was their first hug. And the first time Regina realized she had feelings that ran deeper than friendship. She feels something starting to bubble inside of her and she remembers that day, but she fights against it. She drops the ticket, afraid that it might awaken old feelings. 

The second ticket was an admission ticket to a yoga class. She doesn’t take it in her hands, but just looking at it it's enough to trigger a memory that she had long forgotten. 

✵

_ May 2010  _

They had been dating for a while now. High school finals and SATs were around the corner and Regina was starting to panic. She needed to achieve excellent grades if she was planning on attending any prestigious university. Emma was her constant support, studying with her and quizzing Regina whenever she was off work, but also reminding her to take some time off. 

“Look at that,” Emma pretends to check the time even though she never wears a watch and closes the book she was using to test Regina. “It’s time for a break,” 

“We are not over yet.” 

“Yes, we are. Because otherwise we will be late.” Emma pushes her chair and starts heading to the door. 

“Late?” Regina asks, gathering her things and following Emma’s quick pace, “Emma! Where are we going?” 

“Wait and see!” Emma answers, taking some of Regina’s things out of her hands to help her carry it around. They had been studying at one of the local coffee shops and now Emma is walking towards a gym. 

“Yoga?” 

“Yup.” 

“I hate yoga.” 

“You’ve never done yoga,” Emma corrects her and pushes her into the gym “Look, if you don’t like it, you can have all my fries for a month.” 

“Make it two.” 

Emma doesn’t bring up the topic until later that evening, after they both showered and received their takeout. Emma asks Regina what she thought about yoga while she held the fries container between them. 

“I liked the breathing exercises,” the brunette admits, and she pushes the container towards Emma. “Sometimes I feel like I forget how to do that.” 

“Admitting defeat?” 

“With you, Emma, I’ll always admit when I’m wrong.” 

Emma ended up sharing her fries with Regina anyway because she knows Regina just pretends to be a health freak, but deep inside, she loves all the fried and greasy food that Emma eats. 

✵

_ Present  _

How stupid was it to think back then that it would always be like this?

A treacherous tear rolls down her cheek and Regina wipes it angrily before it can reach her jawline. She blames it on the alcohol. ‘Emma Swan doesn’t hold power on my heart anymore,’ she tells herself. 

She takes the notebook next. The cover says “Easy Peasy Recipes by the Swan and her Queen.” She doesn’t need to open it to know that it was the cookbook she and Emma started when they first moved in together. 

✵

_ December 2011 _

They have been officially living together for two weeks. Their parents had not been too happy about it, saying it was too fast, but Emma and Regina maintained that when you know, you know.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Emma says as she plops on the couch next to Regina. 

“Don’t hurt yourself,” she comments, placing a bookmark on the page she was reading and closing the book. 

“ _Har har_ ,” the blonde pokes her ribs and Regina wiggles. “Anyway, we can’t depend on my mom’s leftovers, cereal for breakfast and dinner, or takeout for the rest of our lives, so, I thought, maybe we could make a cookbook with our favorite recipes, like breakfasts, meals, cakes and cookies, and then learn how to make them together…what do you think?” 

Regina looks at her with a smirk. “I think we should insure the apartment against fire accidents first, but I think it’s a great idea.” 

“So, what’s your favorite food?” Emma asks with the notebook open and a pen in hand. 

“All this talking about food got me hungry,” she adds with a smirk before she takes the notebook from the blonde’s hands and places it with her book on the coffee table.

“What?” Emma is confused until Regina swings a leg over her stomach and straddles her. “Oh,” is the only thing she can say before Regina crashes their lips together. 

✵

_ Present  _

She trails her fingers over the book and opens it, going through the pages quickly. They had eventually gotten around to writing actual recipes. They gathered around 20 of them and learned how to cook together. 

Even after she had moved to Boston, she had continued cooking those recipes. Unconsciously, Emma’s favorite food became hers too. They never got to finish the cookbook. Regina flips the pages, going through the recipes, even though she knew them by heart. 

Then, she got to two recipes that had not been written before: arepa andina and ramen noodles, Regina’s comfort food, the way her mother made them for her. Emma must have added them after Regina left. She closes and drops the notebook, as if it burnt her hands. 

Sighing, she picks up the book and places it next to the tickets. Then, Regina looks back into the box and picks up the pile of confetti. A memory flashes her mind. It’s her and Emma in her parents’ house, it’s the bells ringing twelve times announcing the New Year, it’s the confetti cannons her mother had insisted on buying, it’s Emma sliding her hands around Regina’s waist, it’s Emma leaning in and whispering a “Happy New Year!” as their noses brush together, it’s their first kiss, it’s Emma lifting her and twirling her around before diving in for a second kiss, it’s that carefree smile that could cure all of Regina’s ailments. 

The memory disappears as fast as it came. The grandfather clock down the hall is ringing, and it leaves Regina wondering if the bells had been part of the memory or not. 

She shakes her head. It’s past midnight. She knows she should go to bed if she wants to be a functioning human tomorrow, especially since she had promised Kathryn a brunch date. 

Regina sighs and starts putting the items back in the box. She knows she’ll hate herself if she wakes up and everything is spread on the floor. It is not until she’s placing the confetti back, that she notices that there’s a small piece of metal in the bottom of the box. She doesn’t realize what it is until she digs it out.

It’s a small key. 

She has never seen it before, so she can only guess that it opens box number two. 


	5. wildest dreams

_Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress  
_ _Staring at the sunset, babe  
_ _Red lips and rosy cheeks  
_ _Say you'll see me again  
_ _Even if it's just in your wildest dreams_

* * *

The doorbell chiming wakes Regina up, which is strange since she was positive she had set her alarm for half past eight before going to bed. She checks her phone, it says 8:15 a.m. She wonders who it could be. Her parents had meetings today, Zelena and Kathryn were at work, and she honestly doubted Emma would come visit her after yesterday’s episode at her apartment. The brunette puts her robe on, not comfortable with answering the door in a silk nightgown, as she climbs down the stairs. 

Regina tries to comb her hair with her fingers and put on her best annoyed face. Her mask quickly falls when she is greeted by four smiling teenagers. There is her niece, Robin, Emma’s boy and two girls she had never seen before.

“S’up?” Robin asks, “These are my friends from school: Henry, Alice and Violet. Mind if we hang in here for a while?” 

Regina studies the group of teens. Her eyes pass from Robin, to Henry, to the blonde and brunette girls she has never met before. They are all wearing their school uniform and carrying backpacks. 

“Are you skipping school?” Regina asks, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“It’s P.E, and then we have recess,” Henry answers with a shrug. 

“And that makes skipping school acceptable because...?” Regina tilts her head. She can’t help but debate, it's the lawyer in her. 

“Finals are coming,” the blonde comments, Regina isn't sure if she’s Violet or Alice. 

“I’m sure you’d agree that Physics and Biology are more important than kicking a ball around,” Robin reasons with her. 

Regina raises an eyebrow at her niece’s words “Are you sure you’re your mother’s daughter?” 

“Must get it from my super successful aunt,” 

“I see what you did there,” Regina points a finger at her. 

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Aunt Regina, I learnt that from you.” 

She shakes her head, and pushes the door wide open for the teenagers to pass. “Just so we are clear, I don’t approve of any of you skipping class, but I guess it is better for you to be here where I can actually make sure you’re studying than roaming around town.” Regina says as she shows them where the dining room is, “Also, I have a brunch at 10:30 so I’ll drop you at the school on my way to Piccola Cucina,”

“ _ Fancy _ … Alice and I wanted to go there on a date,” Robin shares a smile with the blonde one. So the blonde is Alice, and is also Robin’s girlfriend. 

“Are you going on a date?” Henry asks, half curious, half crestfallen. 

“Henry, Aunt Regina is too old for you,” her niece nudges him. 

The teen blushes and mutters “I’m not asking for me,” 

“I don’t see any of you unpacking your books,” Regina comments as soon as she sees Robin opening her mouth once more. “You’re here to study, not to gossip.” 

And with that, she leaves the group of teens in the dining room and starts climbing the stairs. Yesterday had been the first time ever sleeping alone in this house, and it wasn’t until she heard the teens making noise downstairs that she realised how lonely it had been. 

Regina goes to her room to get ready for the day. She decides to wear a burgundy keyhole dress, black stockings and sets aside a pair of black pumps that she’ll put on before leaving to meet up with Kathryn. She’s sitting next to the dressing table, drumming her fingers as her eyes drift to what is lying on the floor next to the bed. 

The brunette studies the box Emma had left for her while rubbing her forehead. She probably has time to get through at least another box but she doesn’t know if she has the will. She could lie to herself and say that the first box didn’t have an effect on her; she could blame it on the travel fatigue and the alcohol. But who was she trying to convince? It has been painful and based on the labels of the other boxes, Regina was sure it wouldn’t get easier.

_ Oh well _ , she sighed dejected. Apparently Emma wanted her to go through these memory boxes in order to get divorced. 

Regina takes the second box, this one is yellow and it’s labeled  _ ‘For when you need to be reminded why I married you _ .’ and brings it to the dressing table. After taking a deep breath, she inserts the key that she found on the first box and opens the lid. Inside, there were three objects: a seashell, a keychain and a small bottle filled with sand. 

Three things that looked so ordinary but were so tied to such important moments in their relationship. 

She picked the shell first. 

✵

_ May 2009 _

Regina looks down at the plastic garbage bag and the trash picker she had just received. She refuses to think about how many people have touched the picker before her. She can’t believe she has to do 20 hours of community service for something she didn’t actually do. 

She hates herself for taking the fall for Mal’s latest prank. It used to be fun, fooling around with Mal, Ursula and Ella, but their attitude is getting old. It was one thing to misbehave when they were in middle school, but they were in high and soon going to college. 

Is senior year too late to start reconsidering her friendships? 

“You the new girl?” someone asks, “I’m your assigned partner for today.” 

Regina raises her sight to look in the eye at the person talking to her. She’s almost blinded by the girl’s 100 watt smile. It had to be a fake smile, how could somebody be happy doing community service at half past eight on a Saturday morning. 

“I’m Emma…” she drops her plastic back and extends her hands towards Regina, “Emma Swan.”

“I’m Regina…” 

Emma chuckles as they walk down the beach, “I know, we go to the same school.” 

“I’ve never seen you around,” she comments, she would remember those princess curls and green eyes. 

“Well, that’s because I’m well… part of the background,” she shrugs, “and you… you are just impossible to miss. Come on, we cover the north area of the bay today,” 

Regina blushes and breaks contact with Emma, too shy to look at the other girl after the compliment. She decides to pay attention to the rest of the group, as they scatter away to their own areas.

“So,” Regina clears her throat, “What are you here for?” 

“Um… cleaning the beach?” 

“No, I mean, what did you do to get community service?” 

“Oh,” Emma’s surprised tone makes Regina look at her, “I volunteered, I’ve been doing this for over two years with my friend, Ruby.” she explains and points at some lanky brunette who is chatting with an older lady “We’ve picked up around 2 tons of garbage.” the blonde adds proudly. 

“Why?” Regina asks, because she can’t understand why someone would willingly pick up someone else’s trash.

“Why not?” Emma answers with another question, “Look around, take a mental picture, remember how dirty it looked when we are done later.” she smiles at the brunette, and starts picking up the trash she finds. 

Her enthusiasm is contagious and Regina follows her actions. They talk while they work, mostly Emma telling her stories of the strangest things they have found on the beach. 

“You  _ did not  _ find a 60 year old message in a bottle.” 

“I did!” Emma laughs at her skepticism, “It’s in Storybrooke's museum!” 

“I’ll have to check it out,” Regina hums. 

Three hours later, Emma is carrying their plastic bags and tossing them in the garbage truck. As Emma is making her way back to Regina, the brunette notices her bending over and picking something up from the floor. She blows the sand away and hands it to Regina. It’s a seashell, a waved whelk to be precise. 

“So, what do you think?” Emma asks, looking at the clean beach in front of them. 

Regina is sure the beach looks beautiful, but she is too busy staring at Emma, who looks proud of their labor. Ruby joins them soon after and the two old friends invite Regina to go with them to Granny’s, which is owned by Ruby’s grandmother. Tightly holding the shell in her right hand she decides: senior year is definitely not too late to make new friends. 

✵

_ Present  _

Regina had treasured that shell from the beginning. She always considered it the first gift she got from Emma. It had been part of their fireplace decoration once they moved in together. Emma had been pleasantly surprised when she saw that Regina had held onto the shell from the day they first met. 

The first time she saw the shell after all those months of being a couple, she told Regina that in Chinese Buddhism, shells are considered symbols of good luck, so Regina holding onto it must be a sign. Regina had laughed at the comment. Emma was the type of person who believes in fate and signs she randomly finds, but a part of her wanted to believe in that particular sign too. 

Regina had left it in Storybrooke when she first moved to Boston, expecting Emma to pack it when she moved to Boston with her. 

She places the shell on the table and interlaces her fingers, considering not going through the other objects that had been in the box. The seashell is the least painful of these objects, and if the seashell hurts, she can’t imagine how the other two will feel. 

There are moments in life, when Regina considers herself a sucker for pain: being friends with Mal, Ursual and Ella, accepting going on a trip across Europe with her sister, being Kathryn’s made of honor, but taking the keychain in her hands was definitely top one in that list. 

✵

_ November 2011 _

The Rabbit Hole was a dive bar on the east side of Storybrooke. As every Friday night, it was packed with the town’s young adult population. Outside it was raining cats and dogs and Regina would rather be in Emma’s small apartment cuddling in front of the TV, but it was Ruby’s birthday so that was an option they didn’t have. 

“Wanna play billiards?” Emma asks as she drowns her second drink. “If you’re lucky I might let you win,” she adds with a wink. 

Regina slides off her stool, ready for the challenge and leans into Emma’s ear “Don’t worry dear, I always win.”

Emma groans “You know, that arrogant attitude of yours is a real turn on,” judging by the way Regina smirks she’s all too aware of that. 

“So, Emma,” Regina grabs a cue stick, “What are we betting?” 

“How about this?” Emma throws a set of keys on the table. Regina recognizes it immediately by the billiard ball keychain. 

“Are you really betting on your new apartment?” she asks confused, Emma just moved in after her parents’ midlife crisis was driving her crazy. She couldn’t blame Emma; she wouldn’t want to live with her parents if they decided to rediscover their sexual appetite and relive some teenager fantasies they had.

“If I win, you move in with me,” Emma says boldly. 

“And if I win?” 

The blonde shrugs, “The offer still stands.” 

Of course, Regina let Emma win the game. But that’s something that up to this day, Emma refuses to admit. 

✵

_ Present  _

Lost in the memory, Regina places the keychain next to the shell. She can remember everything about that night, how Emma’s shirt felt against her fingertips when she trailed her hands down Emma’s back, how Emma’s shampoo and body lotion smelled. She even remembers what drinks they were having and who took Ruby home for the night. It had been a perfect night. 

Emma had a talent for effortless yet unmatched proposals, which takes her to the third object in the box: the small glass bottle filled with sand. 

✵

_ April 2012 _

__

To celebrate Regina passing all her exams, Emma rents a small cabin by the woods. It has a clearing which was great for bonfires and stargazing, it has a little lake not far away from the cabin; it also has no phone reception, which was one of the requirements Emma had taken into consideration while planning the holiday. 

Right now, Regina is walking around, her right hand up in the air as she tries to send a message through Blackberry messenger. 

Emma sighs, “Regina, stop. I told you there’s no reception.” 

“But I -,”

“You nothing.” Emma interrupts her. “You passed all your tests, enrolled for next year, gave a to do list to Kathryn and Ruby, and you told your parents where to find us if something happens. There’s literally nothing else you have to do.” 

Regina drops her hand, “Fine, but when we get home, I get 2 hours of work with no distractions,” 

“I make no promises,” she smirks and walks towards Regina, “Come on, there’s something I need you to see.” 

Emma takes Regina towards the little lake. The sun is already setting and they make it just in time to see twilight painting the water in different shades of yellow and orange. 

“Take my hand,” Emma extends her hand towards Regina, and the brunette takes it with no second thought. “Let’s go…” 

“To the water…?”

“Yes!” Emma is excited. 

“No,” 

“Why?” 

“I’ve got plenty of reasons.” 

“You mean  _ excuses _ .”

“It’s dark already, we are wearing clothes, the water looks dirty - and that’s just from the top of my head,”

“Regina, I love that mind of yours, but shut it down for a moment,” Emma tugs on Regina’s hand, “When you turn your brain off, you stop thinking and you start feeling,” 

Regina lets Emma pull her into the lake. She closes her eyes as she lets Emma guide her. The water is cold, but not uncomfortably. The air is a warm summer breath, she can still feel the sun on her face. Then, she feels Emma. She feels hands traveling up her arms and down her flanks, just to stop at her waist. She feels soft lips against hers. 

“Regina…” it’s barely a whisper.

“Yes?” the brunette asks, slowly opening her eyes.

“Let’s get married,” Emma says. No ring, no question. Just a statement of a bright future together. 

“Ok.” Regina lets out. Because it’s the only word she trusts herself to say without running the moment. 

✵

_ Present  _

A knock and an “Aunt Regina,” brings her back to her room. She’s holding onto the vial as if it was a lifeline. 

“Aunt Regina,” Robin repeats and enters the room, “you said we’d be leaving by … Are you alright?” she looks worried. 

Regina nods and wipes her tears with the back of her hand, “Yes, dear. Let me do my makeup and we can go.” 

She takes the key that is laying on the bottom of the box and places the three items inside the box.  _ Thank God it is acceptable to drink at brunch,  _ Regina thinks because after this, she is sure as hell that she needs at least two mimosas. 


	6. I almost do

_And I confess, babe  
_ _In my dreams you're touching my face  
_ _And asking me if I wanna try again with you  
_ _And I almost do_

* * *

After dropping the four teens in front of their high school, Regina drives to Piccola Cucina. She tries to distract herself from the memories she relived yesterday and today. She tries to think about motives for why Emma would do this. Emma has always been kind and goodhearted; there’s no way she’d do this just to hurt Regina. 

She remembers that Emma had told her years ago about the boxes. Maybe that was Emma’s way of showing Regina what they shared, a way of making her reconsider the divorce. Regina shakes her head. Judging by Emma’s words last night, even if the boxes were a way of Emma trying to fight for their marriage, it was too late now. 

Her heart feels uneasy. She rubs her hand over her chest to try and make her feel better but fails. Luckily, she reaches the restaurant before she can dwell longer on the feelings she has been having since she saw Emma yesterday.

Kathryn is already sitting at the table when Regina enters the establishment. She’s speaking on the phone and taking notes on a napkin. 

“Yes, Mr. Krzyszkowski, I understand that you haven’t been paid since March, but your men can’t just stop picking up the garbage,” Kathryn says with a neutral tone, but you can see she’s worried. “Mr. Krzyszkowski, the town has had some unplanned situations that had to be solved. We are all suffering due the budget cuts,” 

Regina sits in front of Kathryn and waves at her friend. The blonde holds a finger up, silently asking for a minute and goes back to her conversation. She orders two mimosas as she continues to eavesdrop on Kathryn’s conversation. 

Kathryn works for City Hall and Regina had heard from her parents that Fiona Malcolm was doing a lousy job as mayor, making budget cuts to increase her own salary and changing the law to her and her business partner’s favour. 

“How about this, Mr. Krzyszkowski, tell your men that instead of picking up the garbage three times a week, you’ll do once a week and I’ll see that by the end of the month you’ll get at least half of what we owe you. How does that sound?” Kathryn waits for an answer, “Great! Thank you for being so understanding. We _ will _ solve this, you have my word. Have a good day!” she adds with a small smile and hangs up, “I’m sorry about that.” 

“My parents had told me the town was having problems, but I didn’t realise it was so bad,” Regina comments. 

“Whatever they told you, it’s ten times worse.” Kathryn neatly folds the napkin and places it in her purse. “The budget cuts have left most of our public services underfunded. The school and hospital don’t have enough materials. Emma is working alone in the sheriff department, even though she needs at least one deputy, Ruby volunteers every now and then but it is not enough. As you heard the garbage collectors are not being paid. The fire truck broke down during a blizzard in January, and we still haven’t been able to fix it… and the list goes on and on,” 

“Where does the money go, though?” 

Kathryn leans in “Gold & Malcolm Build group,” she whispers, “They are basically building in every town in Maine. But,” she sits straight, “elections are in four months. We could really use a new mayor, you know? Someone who genuinely cares about this town and its people...” she comments nonchalantly, as if she meant nothing by it but she knows she has planted a seed on Regina’s mind. 

“Yes, that would be ideal,” Regina comments into her mimosa glass. 

Kathryn then changes topics, talking about Jim and her marriage and their parents pressuring them to have children. Regina is only partially paying attention to what her friend is saying. She can’t help but drifting to what Kathryn had said about Storybrooke needing a new mayor. 

There’s so much she could do for this town, actual changes that would help mostly everyone in the community. Ever since she was a little girl, she had dreamt about doing something great and now she had a chance. The question was, would she take it? 

Staying in Storybrooke meant seeing more of Emma. Being the Mayor meant  _ working _ with Emma. And if the emotions she felt while going through the boxes told her anything, it was that she was definitely not over the blonde. 

Maybe, working with Emma, realising how different they really are, would help her get over those feelings and eventually move on. She reasons. On the other hand, taking the safe option and going back to Boston would kill her slowly. Divorce law is definitely not what she wants to do until she retires. 

“What are you thinking about?” Kathryn asks, even though she knows the answer.

“About running for mayor,” 

“Yes!” Kathryn claps, the other patrons look at her so she lowers her voice and places her hands on the table “Yes, let's do that! We’d all be thrilled to have you back and I know you would be an amazing mayor,” 

“I said I’m  _ thinking _ about it,” the brunette puts emphasis on the verb. 

“Sure, honey,” her friend pats Regina’s hand and then checks her watch, “So, I have to go back to work. But, I’ll think of some mottos and tactics for your campaign. We have to attract the younger voters who are considering moving away, I think that should be our main target.” 

“Wait, I didn’t - ”

“Of course, young families and the elderly would have a place on our propositions, we do not discriminate by age,” 

“Kathryn…” Regina rubs her temple and starts wondering if this was a good idea after all. 

“Bye, Regina!” the blonde stands up and kisses her cheek, “I’ll pay the bill on my way out. Talk to you soon.” 

Regina sighs and watches her friend leave, pondering what she had gotten herself into. She knows nothing about electoral campaigns, she knows nothing about running a town. She shakes her head to make the negative thoughts go away. 

She had gone to law school in Maine, she knew the laws and the way politics work. She had a Master’s Degree in economics that she had finished last year, so that shouldn’t be a problem. She could do this. She just needed to find support. 

On her drive back home, her mind is preoccupied thinking about proposals and changes she could use for her campaign. Fiona was doing such terrible work that Regina could pick any public service and have great ideas about what changes need to happen. 

Reality didn’t hit her until she got home. The sobering thought of the two unopened boxes put a weight on her heart. Climbing out of the car, she wonders if maybe she should delay this trip down memory lane until after she gathers enough signatures for her petition for candidacy, but quickly decides against it. Whether she stays and runs for mayor or goes back to Boston to resume her life, she has to finalize her divorce with Emma and close that chapter. 

_ Do you really? _ Her mind provides unhelpfully. 

She climbs the stairs and heads into her room, picking up box three and sitting on her bed. The words ‘ _ For when you need to be reminded why it will always be you _ .’ are written in silver over the turquoise paint that was used to decorate the box. 

There’s an internal peace that this box gives her just by looking at the name. Even though she’s sure Emma doesn’t feel like that anymore, there’s a not so tiny part of Regina that hopes Emma still loves her. She unconsciously caresses her wedding ring before opening the box with the key she had found in box number two. 

Inside there’s a chess piece, a tasmanian devil plush toy and frame with pressed flowers. She decides to leave the flowers for last, since she recognised it right away. 

She remembers the first time she saw the tasmanian devil plush toy. Emma had gifted it to her as an ongoing internal joke they had. 

✵

_ July 2009 _

Turns out, the Harry Potter movie had not been as bad as Regina thought it would be. She has to admit, half of the movie she was just watching Emma rather than the movie, but the blonde’s reactions were just too pure to ignore. 

Now, they are sitting in Zelena’s living room and eating cake while listening to some mix Zelena had put on, while Zelena put the last of the dishes used for Robin’s birthday party in the dishwasher. 

“So, if I’d have a patronus, which animal would it be?” 

“Easy… Tasmanian devil,” Emma answers, without a pause.

“Seriously?” 

“They are tiny, but have a deadly bite.” Emma shrugs, “So, yeah.” 

“Well, you’d be…” Regina thinks about a cute animal, then says: “A beaver,” 

Zelena, who had just taken a slip of wine chokes on her drink. 

“What’s so funny?” Regina asks, confused. 

“Ignore her,” Emma waves her hand. 

“No, I want to know!” the younger sister insists, hating to be the only one who doesn’t get the joke. 

“Beaver is slang for vagina” Zelena says and then laughs out loud. 

Regina rolls her eyes but blushes at the realization of what she had just said. She knew she was attracted to Emma, but she didn’t know if Emma felt the same way. 

“Well,” Emma’s voice brings Regina back to the conversation. “Beavers mate for life and apparently their poop smells like vanilla,” she comments, “So, I’ll take it,” she adds before taking a spoonful of cake and bringing it to her mouth. 

✵

_ Present.  _

She put the plushie on her bed. It had constantly been on her bed ever since Emma gave it to her, she thought the plush toy had been lost when she moved to Boston. 

It may seem like an unimportant memory, but that had been their first trip, their first time sharing a room, the first time Emma had met her sister, brother-in-law and niece. Zelena had approved right away, and Robin had basically adopted Emma, it took her around two months to start calling her ‘auntie Em’. It has been a random moment for anyone but for Regina, it was priceless. 

The memory makes Regina wonder when Robin stopped referring to Emma as her aunt. Her niece had loved Emma, probably more than she loved Regina back then, but if Henry didn’t know they were married, Robin probably had never mentioned it. She can imagine how confusing and painful it must have been for little Robin, losing an aunt even though she kept on seeing her. 

She decides to continue with the things Emma had placed in the memory box in order to avoid picturing a little Robin crying over Emma. The next object is a chess piece: the black queen. 

✵

_ February 2010 _

“Emma, Emma!” 

“What?” the blonde looks at her.

“Are you even paying attention to what I am saying?” 

“Huh,” she looks like a deer caught in the headlights, “something about the white always starts… you do realize that’s racist, right?” 

Regina rolls her eyes, “It’s just a game, Emma.” the brunette had asked Emma earlier that week if she wanted to learn how to play chess. 

“A game where  _ white _ always starts,” Emma notes, “ Ok, I’ll pay attention to everything you say under one condition.” 

“Which is?” 

“Black starts.” 

“That’s against the rules.” 

“Live a little, it’s not like I’m asking you to kill someone,” Emma crosses her arms, “Either black starts or I don’t play.” 

“Ok, we’ll alternate which army starts, how does that feel?” 

Emma things about it, “Maybe next time we play. This time, black starts.” 

Regina agrees to Emma’s terms and keeps on explaining the rules to Emma. It is going well up until Emma realises that chess rules are not only racist but also sexist. 

“How can it be sexist when the Queen is the most powerful piece, Emma?” Regina is losing her temper by now.

“If she’s the most powerful piece, then why does the game end when you checkmate the King?” Emma is also getting annoyed, “which by the way, it’s a fucking useless piece that can only move one square at the time! Even the pawns can move two squares if it’s their first turn!” 

“I guess we won’t be playing chess any time soon,” Regina sighs and starts picking up the pieces. “Look, it’s not that I don’t agree with you, it’s just that is a game.” 

“Those are the most dangerous parts of systemic racism and misogyny, Regina,” Emma purses her lips, “I’ve gotten to a conclusion, though…” she pulls Regina into her lap, “If _ I _ ’d be a chess piece, I’d be a Knight, and I’d protect the Queen over the King. I will always protect my Queen.” she adds before placing a soft kiss against Regina’s lips. 

✵

_ Present.  _

Regina looks at the black queen in her hand. It was the missing piece from her chess set that her dad had gifted her years ago. If she wasn’t so nostalgic reminiscing about her relationship with Emma, she’d be livid that Emma stole the chess piece just to hide it away in a memory box. Thank God she had not thrown the set away, but instead ordered an extra piece. 

She places the black queen next to the box and takes the pressed flowers. 

✵

_ May 2012 _

Regina wakes up with the sun warming her face. She stretches her arms and taps the bed around her, hoping to find her wife, but can’t seem to reach her. The brunette turns around, and only finds emptiness. It’s not until she sits up that she sees Emma sitting on the floor, doing something. 

“What are you doing down there?” 

Emma turns around and gives her one of those smiles that lights up Regina’s world, “check this out,” 

The blonde climbs onto the bed and kneels next to Regina, her blonde hair braided in a fishtail pattern. She hands her a glass frame that contains a couple of pressed flowers from their wedding carefully placed. 

“It’s from our bouquets,” she points out, as Regina trails her fingers down the black callalily and the white freesia from her bouquet that were intertwined with the wildflowers and black eyed susans from Emma’s bouquet. 

“It’s beautiful!” Regina says in a whisper because she doesn’t trust her voice, “I can’t believe you remembered to press our flowers…” 

“Well, I’ll only marry once, so I wanted to preserve every detail I could,” she explains “Swans mate for life. You’re my forever.” 

“Forever?,” Regina kisses her nose. “How will I ever manage?” she asks as she pulls Emma on top of her and kisses her with passion. 

✵

_ Present.  _

She gently presses the frame against her chest and cries, afraid glass would break in million pieces just as her heart is breaking with the memory of Emma’s soft kisses and promises. She curses the blonde for making her feel all those memories she had buried long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about the US voting system, I did google some basic details but I'm winging it big time so if you are from the US and something is wrong, just ignore it for the sake of the plot :D


	7. death by a thousand cuts

_'Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts  
_ _Flashbacks waking me up  
_ _I get drunk, but it's not enough  
_ _'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby_

* * *

Regina wakes up hugging the plushie tightly against her chest, the glass frame safely placed on her nightstand. Outside, everything is dark. She checks her watch, it’s almost ten in the evening. ‘ _ Great _ ,’ she mutters; she had wasted the whole afternoon sleeping. She stands up and goes to the bathroom, wanting to go through her nighttime skincare routine, before going downstairs and grabbing something quick to eat. 

She decides to bring the last box down with her. She’s determined to finish this today. 

Regina is a little bit curious about this fourth and last box. She doesn’t know what to expect from it. It’s by far the largest one of the four wooden boxes Emma had left her. It hadn’t been painted with bright colors like the other three. This one was just plain mahogany and had written on it: ‘ _ For when you decide it’s time to move on, _ ’. 

She gulps and she traces the words with her fingers.  _ Was _ she ready to move on? 

The ring around her neck feels heavier than it has ever felt, silently providing her with the answer she was too scared to admit. Taking a deep breath, she places the box on the kitchen table and walks towards the fridge. 

The brunette opts to have a caprese salad for dinner. She has the feeling that whatever she’ll find in the last box will unsettle her stomach, so eating something light is probably the best idea. 

After slicing the mozzarella and tomato, she adds the basil, and tops it with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Regina then places her dish over a placemat and drags the box towards herself. She considers pouring herself a glass of wine, but she hears her liver and stomach complaining. She sighs and opens the box without drilling too much in the past. Better to rip it off like a bandaid. 

Inside, there are no memories, no past gifts from Emma. There was only Emma’s wedding ring and an envelope addressed to the State of Maine registry. She knows what is inside the envelope but still takes the document out. Judging by the  _ year 2015  _ on the upper corner of the document, it is the first of many copies that Regina had sent her. 

Regina quickly goes to the page she had marked for Emma and sees Emma’s signature. Emma had signed the papers and had left them, together with her wedding band, five years ago and Regina had been tormenting her all this time. 

They had been divorced all these years. 

Regina pushes her untouched salad away, feeling nauseous. She got what she wanted, but why does it feel like her castle crumbled overnight? 

She takes Emma’s ring and pressed it against her lips and for the first time, she weeped for her lost love. 

Her own ring feels heavy against her chest. All this time, she had been alone. Emma hadn’t held onto her ring, Emma hadn’t found comfort in it. And why would she? Regina had left her. Regina had stayed away as Emma’s mom went through months and months of treatments. Regina had put her career over their marriage. Regina had grown distant. Regina had cut their conversations short and ignored calls. 

She had done this to both of them. 

Regina doesn’t know how long she stays there, first crying and then looking into the nothing. All the memories that the three first boxes brought up are still fresh in her mind. She thinks about her job, and how miserable she is working. She thinks about Emma. She thinks about Storybrooke. About her family and friends.

The ghosts of the what ifs that she had ignored for years come rushing in. She thinks of how happy she could have been with Emma, with all their ups and downs, if only she would have given the blonde a fighting chance. 

Why didn’t she? And why didn’t Emma fight for them, either?

In autopilot, she grabs her car keys and drives to Emma’s apartment. She stops in front of the building and forces herself to inhale, it’s like she couldn’t breathe. She climbs the stairs slowly, wondering how to start this conversation.

This time, her knocks are soft, unsure of what to do next. She needs answers, but she doesn’t know if she can take Emma’s hate, or worse, indifference, anymore. 

This time, Emma is the one opening the door; she looks surprised to see Regina standing in front of her. 

“Um, you are drenched,” the blonde comments, “Didn’t you realise it was raining?” 

Regina shakes her head; she was so lost in her thoughts and pain, it had been a miracle she hadn’t crashed into something on her way to Emma’s. 

“Come in before you catch a cold,” the blonde, bless her soul, steps aside. “Henry is asleep so I’d appreciate it if we could keep our voices low,” she adds, as she guides Regina to the kitchen and puts water to boil in a kettle. “Tea bags are in that cupboard. I’ll find you something warm.” 

Regina watches Emma disappear behind the kitchen door, before making her way to the cupboard, which Emma had pointed to. It surprises her that Emma has a box of apple caramel, her favorite flavor; she chooses one of those for her and peppermint one for the other woman. 

Emma brings her a pair of gray sweatpants and an oversized yellow hoodie that says ‘ _ I’m a fucking ray of sunshine _ ’ in big bold letters over the chest and hands them to Regina. By the time the brunette changes into Emma’s cozy and warm clothing and comes back to the kitchen, Emma has already placed both cups on the table, one in front of the other. 

Regina sits in silence and studies Emma. Her long white fingers are tightly wrapped around the steamy mug. 

“So…” Emma is the first one to break the silence. She doesn't look at Regina; instead, she is staring down, as if she’d find her tea extremely interesting. 

“I went through the boxes,” Regina says in a whisper, “all of them.” 

“So you found the …” she can’t seem to finish the sentence, to say  _ divorce papers _ out loud. 

“Yes. And the ring,” the brunette nods and feels like she’s swallowing needles. “I always carried mine with me, you know? I found -” 

“Regina,” Emma interrupts her, and for the first time since Regina came into the kitchen wearing Emma’s clothing, the blonde is looking at her with red rimmed eyes. “What are you here for?” 

“I -,” she’s at loss of words, she hadn’t thought this through. “I don’t know… I just wanted to know. Why go through the trouble of making those three beautiful boxes with all happy memories to finish with the divorce papers?” 

Emma shrugs, “I - don’t know… I didn’t want to just give you the signed papers. I guess I kind of hoped you’d see how much I love you.”

“If you loved me so much, why didn’t you come with me? Why did you decide to stay?” she knows those are stupid questions. She knows Emma had to stay, but she wishes the weight of a failed marriage would be shared and not only hers. 

“Jesus, Regina. My mom had  _ cancer _ ,” 

“And then she recovered, and you still stayed here!” 

“Maybe, I was waiting for you to invite me to join you,” Emma sounds angry but her voice is low.

“You were my  _ wife _ for fucks sake!” Regina wants to yell at her, but she knows nothing good will come out of waking Henry. “You didn’t need an invitation!” 

“It damn sure felt like it!” Emma replies, “Your life was so great and you were so happy. And I was happy for you, I really was, but I felt like an outsider. Like, you were living your dream and there was no space for me.” 

“That’s ridiculous, you knew there was always space -”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Emma points a finger at her, because they both remember the amount of times Regina had to cut their calls short, or simply had left the phone ringing until the answer machine started playing the pre-recorded message “You grew distant before we fell apart!”

“Well, maybe I was just waiting for you to fight for us!” she crosses her arms like a spoiled child. She knows she’s being irrational but this is what she does when she’s losing: she shifts the blame. 

“Fight for us?” Emma lets out a laugh, it’s fake and it hurts more than the anger that Emma had directed earlier at her. “Regina you filed for divorce! And you couldn’t even bring the fucking papers on your own! You had them shipped. To the  _ sheriff’s office _ !” 

“It was supposed to be a wake up call!” 

“News flash, Regina: divorce papers are not a wake up call!” 

Silence envelops them after that. Regina takes a sip of the tea. It was already cold and it left an unpleasant taste in her mouth. She knows Emma is hurting, she is hurting, their relationship is probably beyond repair and she wishes she could make this all better, but she doesn’t know how, and even if she knew, she wouldn’t know where to start. 

That’s a lie, she knows where to start. She’s just not ready. She’s not going to apologize, not when all these years, she had held onto the idea that Emma was stubborn as a mule, proud as a peacock and the reason that their marriage had failed. 

“You signed them…” a single tear slides down her cheeks. “Why did you sign them if you love me?” 

Emma exhales, “I signed them because I loved you and I couldn’t make you happy anymore. So I knew I had to let you go.” 

Regina’s heart breaks even more “loved?”

Emma drags a hand over her face, she’s frustrated and Regina is pushing it. Regina knows nothing good ever comes from pushing Emma when she’s in this state. 

“Regina. You don’t get to come here after  _ years  _ of pushing me to sign for a divorce and ask if I still love you… you lost that right a while ago,” she doesn’t sound bitter, just tired, and Regina realizes she’s not the only one who has been in an emotional rollercoaster for the past days. “For the record, I’ll always love you, Regina… But, I have other priorities now. Henry comes first.”

“I understand,” Regina mutters, because she does. She had met Henry twice, and not enough to form a proper opinion about the boy, but he seems like an amazing kid who deserves the world. “I’m sorry for telling him that we were married. Not only was I wrong about that, but it was not my thing to share with your child.”  _ Your  _ child, not  _ ours,  _ how it should have been.

Emma nods at the apology. “Someone would have eventually told him, someone with a big mouth and no sense of people’s privacy, like Ruby… ” It’s a weak attempt at a joke, but Regina silently thanks her for making the moment less grim. “I’m sorry about the stuff I said that night. I don’t mean most of those things.”

_ Most  _ of those things. 

Regina washes her mug and says, “I should get going.” She doesn’t want to overstay her welcome. “Let me just change back into my clothes.” 

The blonde dismisses her with the wave of a hand, “It’s ok, you can return them later,” she offers Regina a bag for her wet clothes, which Regina accepts politely.

The both of them walk in silence towards the door. Regina desperately wants to say something, to ease the awkwardness between them, to make the pain go away, or at least some of it.

“I went once to Boston,” Emma says once Regina passes the threshold, “While my mom was between chemotherapy cycles,” the blonde explains, “I was waiting for you in front of your work.” 

“What?” Regina asks. 

“I - it was really hard taking care of my mom, so I wanted to ask you to come back, to help me with her,” Emma explains. “I remember it as if it was yesterday. You were wearing a purple pencil skirt and a white blouse with a bow elegantly tied around your neck.” She looks at Regina but her mind is in the past. “You were talking to an asian woman and a blonde man, and you looked so happy… no, even more than happy. You looked  _ radiant _ ,” Regina remembers that day, it was the first time she got a case to handle on her own. “I knew then that I couldn’t ask you to come back, but I couldn’t leave my mom yet.”

Regina looks at her and wonders what would have happened if Emma would have approached her. She knew she wouldn’t have returned to Storybrooke, back then she enjoyed her job. She would have tried to convince Emma to stay, that she is sure of. But Emma, loyal and brave as she had always been, would have never left her parents alone while her mother battled with cancer. 

Regina knew that her early-twenties self would have been angry and hurt at Emma choosing her mother over her; she would have said rude things to Emma, she would have called Emma selfish, said that the blonde didn’t want her to have a successful career or something along those lines. Now, she knew it wasn’t true. She knew Emma would have asked because she was young and scared. No child should help her parents through chemotherapy, but Emma had done it with all the bravery and love she had.

“Maybe it was for the best,” Regina comments.

“Yeah…” the blonde doesn’t seem convinced about it. 

Regina purses her lips, waiting for Emma to something. Anything. But obviously she’s not getting anything else out of her ex-wife. So she utters a “Goodbye,” and starts walking away. 

“Regina!” Emma calls at the brunette as she’s about to reach the stairs. She leaves the door ajar and jogs towards her “I never thanked you, for visiting my mother when she was hospitalized. So thank you,” 

“How did -,” Regina looks dumbfounded “Did she tell you?” 

“No, not really,” Emma slouches and slips her hands into her front pockets “I saw you, or I thought I saw you, at the bus stop. So I commented it to my mom, and she told me. I’m sorry if it was supposed to be a secret, you know how she is with secrets,” 

Regina shakes her head, “When I asked her not to tell her, she said she wouldn’t unless you asked, because she didn’t want to lie to you,” 

“Why?” Emma looks at her with unshed tears and Regina never gets tired of that color green. “Why did you visit her even after you sent the papers?” 

“Emma, just because I felt our marriage was over didn’t mean I stopped caring about your family,” she says is a soft tone, “I’m sorry if I caused you pain,” 

“It hurt that you only cut me off,” Emma explains, “But it meant a lot that you visited her in her darkest times. She still appreciates it.” 

The brunette nods “Think nothing of it, she is like a second mother to me, or at least it was back then,” she sounds insecure as she speaks the last words.

“It’s not nothing,” Emma reaches out but stops herself before touching the brunette. “It really means a lot to me. Anyway, goodnight Regina .” 

The rain keeps on pouring as she drives back home; she thinks that it’s poetic how the weather reflects her emotions. She had waited for the day their marriage ended for so long, but never in her wildest dreams and worst nightmares did she think that she would feel broken beyond repair. She’s a godforsaken mess and she wonders if she’ll ever feel at ease again. 

By the time she gets home, she has managed to stop crying, and her heart is more numb than in pain. She walks into the living room, emotionally drained from the days she had had, to realize the untouched salad and divorce papers are still sitting on the table. She cleans the table and places the divorce papers into the envelope and seals it. She’ll mail it first thing in the morning. 


	8. PART II

**PART II**

_And I can still see it all in my head  
_ _...  
_ _I once believed love would be_ _burnin' red **  
**_ _But it's_ **golden** \- _like daylight_


	9. I wish you would

_  
_ _Wish you knew that  
_ _I miss you too much to be mad anymore_ _  
_ _And I wish you were right here, right now_ _  
_ _It's all good_ _  
_ _I wish you would_

* * *

It has been over a month since Regina came to Storybrooke. Luckily, over the years, she hadn’t taken a lot of vacation days so her boss didn’t ask many questions when Regina asked for some time off. 

Truth to be told, Regina knows she has to tell Mrs. Harrington that she is not coming back, but right now, Boston felt like a safety net in case this whole staying-in-Storybrooke plan blew up in her face.

Regina checks her watch for the tenth time in the past five minutes. Zelena should have been home half an hour ago and her calls are going unanswered. She would worry if she didn’t know Zelena; instead, she’s just really annoyed. 

She is contemplating all the things she’ll say to Zelena when she sees her, when her phone starts vibrating. She taps the screen to pick up the video call. 

“Hey sis,” she hears Zelena’s voice before the camera connects. “Our return plans changed a little,” she adds and Regina can see she’s covering herself with a bed sheet and her hair is all muzzled. 

“How? It was a  _ day _ trip.” 

Zelena had asked Regina to keep an eye on Robin for a couple of hours while she went to Augusta to pick something up. She said they’d be gone for four hours tops and that by noon, they should be back. 

“Well, you see we got a sex swing and -,” 

“You know what? I changed my mind, I don’t want to know,” the younger sister raises a hand in surrender. 

“Lovely, so. Robin has a parent-student activity today. Would you mind going with her?” 

Regina looks at her sister with annoyance coloring her face, “I have work to do.” 

“Regina, you work far too much and far too hard.” Zelena comments and Regina can hear her brother-in-law agreeing. “Mom showed me the proposals, they look great! And we will get the signatures you need to hand in your candidacy. Go and have some time off. It might be more interesting than you expected.” 

“I seriously doubt it. But I’ll do it.  _ For Robin _ .” 

To be honest, she had been working for the past two weeks on her campaign proposals and looking for sponsors and she could use some fresh air. Plus, spending time with Robin was starting to become one of her favorite pastimes. The girl was nothing like her mother, she was intelligent and sassy and a hopeless romantic - and actual romantic, not a sexoholic like her parents. Sometimes she feels Robin is more hers than Zelena’s. 

“You’re the best,” her brother-in-law comments. Regina can only see a thumbs-up appearing on the screen and she wonders why he isn’t in front of the phone. She then shakes her head and decides she doesn’t want to know that either. 

“So, it’s actually a camping trip. I prepared a bag for you, it’s next to Robin’s.” 

“You planned this, didn’t you?” 

“Oh, dear sister. You don’t even know half of it,” Zelena laughs wickedly, “Have fun!” she adds and hangs up the phone before Regina can say anything else. Sometimes, she wonders if life would have been easier being an only child.

She climbs the stairs to check up on Robin; her niece is laying on the bed talking on the phone. There’s something carefree and joyful about Robin when she’s talking to Alice that reminds Regina of herself when she first met Emma. She didn’t understand how her parents ‘just knew’ that she was in love with the blonde, but looking at Robin she understands how it was so obvious to everyone else. As soon as she notices Regina, she says bye to Alice and hangs up. 

“I take it my mom told you about the camping trip?” 

“You knew?” Regina feels betrayed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“She threatened to take away my phone.” Robin stood up from the bed, passing one backpack to Regina, taking the other one. “It is bad that I was happy when they told me? That I’m relieved it is you who is coming and not them?” she looks guilty. “They are just so… Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they are in love and everything but, it’s like they are the hormonal teenagers and I’m the parent.” 

The brunette places her hands over the teenager’s shoulders, “I can’t imagine having parents who are so… open about what happens in their bedroom,” she squishes her nieces shoulders a little, “But if it ever gets uncomfortable, you always have a room in my house,” she offers. “We can even decorate it to your taste so you feel at home when you’re there.” 

Robin doesn’t say anything but jumps to hug her aunt tightly. Regina rubs Robin’s back with one hand. She’d give the world to this girl if she’d ask for it. Their embrace is interrupted by the door ringing. 

“Are you expecting someone?” Regina asks, and that’s when Robin realizes that her mother didn’t tell her everything about the camping trip. 

“Um, that’s our ride,” Robin looks down at her feet. “I forgot to pack some things, would you mind going down and I’ll meet you by the car?” 

Regina knows she’s hiding something, but decides not to push. She swings the packback Zelena had packed for her over her shoulder and starts making her way towards the door. It feels pretty light for a two day trip and she hopes Zelena is not pulling another joke when she said she packed for Regina. 

The bell rings again, this time two times at once. Obviously whoever is giving them a ride is growing impatient. 

She opens the door to meet Henry, who tilts his head and says, “so, Robin wasn’t joking then,” he looks at her and then back at the person driving the car: Emma. He looks nervous and excited at the same time. 

“Does Emma know about this?” 

“Nope,” Henry puts his hands in his back pockets. “I’ll see if Robin needs help packing; she always does it last minute and forgets something,” he adds as he runs into the house, leaving Regina alone with Emma, who by now had noticed her. It’s now obvious that both teens are avoiding their first encounter. 

Regina purses her lips and walks towards the car at a slow pace, wondering if it was too late to back out now. They hadn’t seen or talked to each other since the conversation after Regina found the divorce papers. Regina considers it a great achievement in a town like Storybrooke, meaning that Emma had been avoiding her as much as Regina had. 

“Hey.” Emma greets her from inside the car, one arm flung around the copilot seat. 

“Hi.” 

“Zelena couldn’t make it,” Regina shifts her weight from one foot to the other one. “They went to pick up something - a sex swing - in Alberta and decided it couldn’t wait.” She doesn’t know why she gives all the details.

Emma laughs out loud before shaking her head. “Zelena and Walsh never grew up. How Robin grew up to be a normal person is beyond my level of comprehension.” 

Regina laughs too, but it soon dies down and the awkwardness of the situation comes back to her. “I’m - she asked me to go with Robin, but if it’s uncomfortable we can take my car.” 

The blonde shakes her head, “I heard you’ll be staying for a while, so we might as well get used to the fact that we’ll be running into each other. I heard you’re planning on running for Mayor?” 

“Yes.” Emma is now looking ahead. So, Regina uses the time to study her, how much, but at the same time how little, she had changed. Her eyes have few wrinkles on the outer side but they still shine like they used to, and she still sits in front of the wheel the same way as she had when she was a teen: leaning a bit forwards, elbows laying on the wheel and fingers interlocked. “Are you alright with that?” Regina asks tentatively, placing her hands on the upper edge of the door and slightly leaning against her car.

“It’s  _ kewl _ .” Emma lets out, and Regina smiles at the pronunciation of ‘cool’ she used to hate. “Kathryn told me a while ago, would have rather heard it from you though...”

“I didn’t know if you cared,” Regina confesses. It makes Emma look at her.

“Don’t ever think that,” Emma’s eyes are glued to hers. “Even if we didn’t work out, we can still be civil to each other, maybe even friends…?” she asks unsure.

“Friends is good,” the brunette agrees too fast, because she’ll accept anything Emma would offer her, and it makes Emma smile. 

Then, they hear Robin and Henry discussing something about superheroes while walking down the front yard. They look worried when they realise Emma and Regina aren't talking to each other, but then Emma gives them a thumbs up and both teenagers smile and climb into the backseat, Regina following suit to the co-pilot one.

Emma starts driving, making her way out of Storybrooke. The car is silent. The weather outside is nice, so she has her window down. It's been so long since last time she let her hair dance in the air, it feels nice, liberating even. It reminds her of when they were young and in love. In the backseat, the teens are watching a movie on Robin’s phone. They are sharing a set of headphones and Regina studies them; they get along well. She tries but fails to stop her mind from imagining a life where they were actual cousins. When her thoughts become too painful, she turns her attention to the streets outside.


	10. treacherous

_That nothing safe is worth the drive  
_ _And I will follow you, follow you home  
_

 _This hope is_ _treacherous  
_ _This daydream is dangerous_

* * *

“Did Zelena tell you anything about this trip?” Emma breaks the silence between them as they reach the outskirts of the city. Regina notices she’s holding so tight onto the wheel that her knuckles are turning white.

“No. Just that we camp there overnight.” 

“We’re going to the beach,” she explains, “to the north area, to be more precise. There’s a clearing in the woods next to the bay so the high school organizes a yearly trip with each class.”

“Oh,” the north area of the bay was  _ theirs _ , Emma had once told her when they were dating. That’s where they met, that’s where they made love for the first time. 

“Zelena, she well… um…” Emma trails off. Regina stays silent, patiently waiting until Emma gathers the courage to say whatever it is that she needs to say. Emma laughs, “I’m so stupid,” she says and laughs again, “I don’t know how I didn’t suspect anything.” 

“What?” 

“Zelena _ insisted _ on us sharing a tent,” Emma explains. “Last year she asked me to take Robin with us so Walsh and her could, ‘ _ do it like animals,’ _ ” she imitates Zelena’s voice. “But, this year, she wanted all of us to stay together. I didn’t understand why she was so keen on sharing until now.” 

“I’m going to kill her,” Regina looks out of the window and tries to regulate her breathing. 

“Hey,” she feels Emma’s hand on her thigh. “It’s ok, I’m sure she doesn’t know how much that place meant to us.” 

“Oh, she knows.” Regina forces herself not to place her hand over Emma’s, “I told her, after our first camping trip. I told her  _ everything _ .”

Emma moves her hand away from Regina’s thigh as if she had been burnt. “If it’s too uncomfortable for you, I can try to arrange something.” 

Regina gives a watery smile, “It’s ok, we just agreed to be friends, didn’t we?” She asks and sounds uncharacteristically unsure. 

“Yeah…” 

Even though they had agreed to be friends, they avoid each other the rest of the day. Both of them think maybe it is better that way. Thankfully, they had been assigned different roles. Emma had been assigned to logistics and Regina to group supervisor. 

The brunette had been paired with Alice’s dad and given a group of ten teens: Henry, Alice and Robin were among them, and a map for the scavenger hunt they had to complete before dinner. 

Emma doesn’t have to do the scavenger hunt, instead she stays at the campsite and helps with the logistics: providing aid to parents who didn’t know how to build their tents, gathering wood for the bonfire, and so on. 

Regina soon learns that Alice’s dad, Killian Rogers, is great at reading treasure maps. When she asks about the unusual talent, he jokes and says that he was a pirate in his past life. They go through the different challenges with no problems. 

It isn’t until they are almost done that Regina notices that Henry is distanced from the group, staying behind, as the rest of the teens cheer about their imminent victory. His attitude has changed from the chirpy one he had when they arrived earlier that morning to being silent and moody. She asks Robin about it, but her niece shrugs and says it probably has to do with the fact that Violet was sorted into another group. 

For dinner, they all sit around the bonfire, sharing food while the teachers congratulate the scavenger hunt winners and tell the campers about the activities they had planned for the next day. Regina notices Henry was nowhere to be found. She asks Emma about it and the blonde says that Henry told her he ate too much junk food during the hunt and was feeling sick and wanted to lay down. Regina furrows her brows. Henry had been with her the whole day and didn’t eat anything other than a sandwich for lunch time.

“Look,” Emma says when she notices Regina is not convinced. “It’s really nice you care, but Henry is kind of an introvert, these kinds of things tend to tire him. He’s fine, trust me.”

“If you say so,” Regina nods at the blonde. She is aware Emma knows Henry better than she does, but there was something off about the teen. The brunette wants to believe Emma, but there’s something inside of her that wants to make sure he is fine. 

After finishing her dinner uncharacteristically quick, Regina excuses herself, saying she’s going to answer some work-related emails. Emma raises an eyebrow, not buying her excuse, but says nothing. So, Regina puts away the dish and utensils she had used and sets off to find Henry. 

Of course, he’s not in the tent as he had told Emma, but before alerting the blonde, Regina decides to look around on her own. She walks in the opposite direction of where other campers are, towards the beach. She is relieved when she notices a small bonfire, not far away from their tent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, as she sits next to Henry, the crackle of the fire and the waves of the sea tuning out whatever song they were singing back at the campsite.

“About what?” Henry asks and throws a twig into the fire. 

“I don’t know… being all moppy during the scavenger hunt, lying to Emma about eating too much junk food, sitting here alone when you said you were going to bed.” 

“It’s nothing.” Regina doesn’t know Henry very well, but knows he’s lying. There’s something about his body language that reminds her of Emma, maybe he had picked some gestures from her. 

“Now, let’s try with the truth,”

“It’s just…” he takes a deep breath “I asked Violet out… and she _ laughed  _ at me,” his voice trembles, “she said she was just pretending to be my friend because she needed to score well on her SATs.” 

“I’m sorry, Henry,” she snakes an arm around his shoulders and pulls him against her. 

“It was _ so _ humiliating. All her popular friends were there and they all laughed at me.” There are tears going down his face now and Regina’s heart shatters for him. “And the worst thing is that I still like her. I mean like… I just -” he threw another twig into the fire, frustrated at himself.

“You don’t stop liking someone because they hurt you,” Regina provides for him when she sees he’s struggling to express himself. “It certainly would be easier if you did.”

“Is  _ that  _ what’s going on between you and Emma?” 

He’s changing topics and she knows it, deflecting from his own pain, but she’ll give him a break. 

“Kind of. But, Emma and I never hurt each other intentionally,” she says, because she doesn’t want Henry thinking that it is alright to hurt people, especially ones you love. “Emma and I were young when we fell in love; we hurt each other because we didn’t know how to communicate our feelings and eventually that tore us apart. What Violet did was different; she gave you false hope and then she took it away when she got what she wanted.” 

“I want to hate her.” 

“Hate is not a good feeling to have.”

“Are you saying I should forgive her?”

Regina hums. “I once heard this Lutheran pastor say that holding onto anger doesn’t combat evilness, it feeds it. I didn’t understand it back then; I was maybe two or three years older than you are, but she was saying that forgiveness was an act to set you free, to unchain _ you _ from that thing that hurt you, to help _ you _ move on.”

“Have you forgiven Emma?” 

Regina shakes her head. “There’s nothing I have to forgive. It is her who needs to forgive me.” Regina admits, “but I need to apologize first, and that takes a great deal of courage I still have to gather.” 

“I hope you gather it soon,” Henry looks at her and smiles. 

“I hope so, too,” she admits more to herself than to Henry. The teen leans on her shoulder and both of them remain in silence, watching the fire consume the wood in front of them. 

That’s how Emma finds them when the rest of the campers have gone to bed and she has found their tent empty. She takes the unoccupied space next to Henry and asks the boy if he is feeling better. Henry sits up straight and tells her what happened that day, from Violet’s betrayal to Regina’s talk. He leaves out the part where Regina admits she has to apologize and for that, the brunette is thankful.

Emma looks at both of them. Her eyes look shiny, but Regina reasons it’s probably an optical illusion from the bonfire light. After finishing his story, Henry leans against Emma.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you before,” he mutters. 

“It’s ok,” Emma places a hand over his knee and he leans into her. “What’s important is that you found someone to confide in and talked about your feelings instead of letting it eat you from the inside.”

“Regina is a pretty great person to talk to,” he admits. 

“Yeah, she is,” Emma agrees, looking at Regina over Henry’s head. She mouths a ‘thank you’ to Regina and the brunette just smiles at her. 

Here, sitting in front of a bonfire, looking at the starry sky and listening to the sea crashing against the shore, with Henry sandwiched between her and Emma, is where Regina feels really happy for the first time in a long time.

And it could be so easy to fall in love with Emma Swan, to just slip into this charade once again. Regina wishes she could stop all the feelings she has for Emma, as they rush in. She wishes she could remember only the pain and anger when their relationship started going sour, but she can’t. 

Instead, she remembers the first time they had sat in front of a bonfire, years ago at almost this exact place. She remembers Emma suggesting they go skinny dipping; she remembers undressing without taking their eyes off of each other; she remembers they never made it to the water. She wants to push the memory back. She fights against it, but it’s all in vain. She remembers the first time she tasted Emma’s skin, the first time Emma made love to her. 

Tears threaten to spill from her eyes, as she remembers how Emma’s hands felt on her body. 

She guesses that she will never completely move on. She’ll always be stuck between an ‘I love you’ and a ‘fuck you, forever’ when it comes to Emma Swan. Maybe she should resign herself to the fact that she’ll always fall for Emma Swan over and over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The speech Regina is referring to actually exists, it changed my life a while ago. She's a super cool female ex-lutheran pastor. If you're interested, you can find it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhmRkUtPra8)


	11. state of grace

_We learn to live with the pain_ _  
_ _Mosaic broken hearts_ _  
_ _But this love is brave and wild_

* * *

Regina dials her boss’s number and puts her phone on speaker, as she goes through her morning breakfast routine. She had been prolonging this long enough and it was time to put on some big girl pants and tell Mrs. Harrington the truth. Two days ago, she had collected all the money she needed to register her candidature for mayor, and there was no going back now. 

She puts a bowl of oats and fruits and a yogurt on the table next to the phone and opens the main page of  _ Daily Mirror _ , Storybrooke’s local newspaper, on her tablet. 

“Regina, darling,” Mrs. Harrington greets her. “Please, tell me you’re calling to let me know you’re on your way back and not because you are asking for more time off.”

“Actually,” Regina clears her voice, “I’m calling you to thank you for all the opportunities you’ve given me, to tell you that I’ve grown a lot under your mentorship, but I'm quitting.” 

“I'm sorry. You’re  _ what _ …?

“I don’t know if I want to be a divorce lawyer anymore.” 

“Your whole life is here, Regina.” 

“But, here I am alive…” She knows she must sound like a lunatic right now, “I know it doesn’t make much sense, but I’m sure there has to be more to me than helping destroy marriages.” 

She starts scrolling down the Daily Mirror page, while her boss digests the news and keeps on trying to understand why one of her most profiting lawyers suddenly is not coming back. 

“Is that wife of yours messing with your head, dear?” 

“No, no,” Regina mixes the yogurt with the oats, “And she’s my ex-wife now.” There’s a pang in her heart when she says that. 

Her heart stops when she reads the first title on the politics section of the newspaper. “I’ll have to call you back to arrange the details, Mrs. Harrington, something urgent just came up.”

She doesn’t hear whatever her former boss had to say to that, she simply hangs up and focuses on the news. It says:  _ Do you want the person responsible for destroying our sheriff’s happiness in charge of our town? _ . Below it, there are a couple of pictures of a younger Emma in the Rabbit Hole. She looks like a drunk mess that had been crying for the past three months non-stop. The article was written by Lilith Page, and it doesn’t take long for Regina to realize it’s Lily, the woman who according to Ruby and Kathryn had been crushing on Emma for years. 

Regina caresses the pictures, guilt eating her alive. She knew Emma had been heartbroken about the divorce, Zelena had told her as much, but she had never seen it. She did this. Emma looked like this because of her. 

She had always been aware that women liked hunting witches, too. That Lily published the article because a piece like this could end Regina’s candidacy before it even started. But right now, she’s more worried about Emma than about running for Mayor. 

She grabs her car keys, leaving everything behind and rushes to Emma’s apartment. Eager to know the blonde is alright. That the delicate truce they had reached is not destroyed once again. 

The brunette starts jogging up the stairs when she hears Emma’s voice. 

“I don’t fucking care, Lily; retract the article or I’ll sue you for character defamation…” Emma’s voice carries through the hallway and Regina freezes, unsure what to do. Emma sounds livid. And to be honest, she had all the right to be. It is one thing to ruin Regina’s campaign, but another completely is dragging Emma down with her, especially when she and Emma were only friends. Emma continues:

“If a man asks for the divorce for pursuing his career, he’s portrayed as ambitious, if a woman does it, she's a bitch... that’s bullshit and you know it!” 

_ Wait, _ Emma was this angry over Regina’s image? Emma was defending  _ her _ ?

“Bullshit. You didn’t do this because the voters of Storybrooke deserve to know what you consider the truth. You just did this to fucking hurt her, to get back at me because I care about her, and you know it! Retract it or I will sue. You don’t want to make an enemy out of me.” 

Regina is rooted on the spot. She knows Emma is about to run into her, but she also knows it’s too late to run out of the building. 

“Regina?” Emma sounds confused to see her there, “What are you doing here?” she asks as she puts her phone in her back pocket. 

“I came to see how you’re doing.” Regina answers and fidgets with her hands, unsure of what to do with them.

“You should be doing damage control.” 

“I wanted to see if you’re alright. You’re more important,”

“I don’t need you checking up on me,” she snaps, then adds, “I’m tougher than this girl,” as she raises her printed version of the Daily Mirror.

“I know,” Regina says timidly and she wants to beat herself up, she hates that she’s this insecure around Emma now, “I thought we were friends, friends care about each other, right?” 

She sees Emma deflating a little, “I’m sorry, it’s just… these pictures bring back bad memories that I had to explain to Henry, on top of giving him a lecture about drowning your sorrows. It’s not your fault, though.” 

“But it is.”

“You didn’t save these pictures for years and then make them public to open old wounds, Regina,” Emma states matter-of-factly. “Look, I have something to do. But, I left a very confused Henry upstairs, so if you want, you can keep him company until I come back.” 

Regina nods. “Are you sure you’re alright?” she asks once more, as Emma hands her the apartment keys. “With me watching over Henry and with the pictures?” 

“First, I’d trust you with my life, so yes, I’m ok with you watching over Henry for a while. And I’ll be alright with the pictures after I do this thing.” Emma sounds fierce, but she can see that Regina is not convinced “Just, trust me...?” 

She wants to say  _ always _ , because there’s a part of her that has always and will always trust Emma, but she doesn’t know how Emma will take it, so she settles with a “Yes.” 

The monosyllable is all the encouragement Emma needs to leave her. 

Regina watches Emma exit through the entrance door, before looking down at the keys to Emma’s apartment. When she first came to Storybrooke, a little over a month ago, Emma hadn’t even invited her in, and now she had given Regina the keys to the apartment. 

_ ‘I trust you with my life,’  _ Emma had said. And she wants to cry because what did she do to deserve someone like Emma? 

She finds Henry in the kitchen having breakfast and listening to music on the radio. 

“Oh, it’s you.” He points out when he notices her. He then sees her placing Emma’s keys on the table. “Wait, you have a set of keys?” 

“Emma gave me her keys, I was shocked too.” 

“I’m not shocked,” he shrugs, then when he sees Regina is not following he adds, “There’s this whole stereotype about lesbians uhauling quickly.” 

“First, stereotypes are harmful and you should be influenced by them,” Regina explains, “and second, we’d have to be dating to ‘uhaul’ and we are not.” 

“ _ Sure _ ...”

“Henry, we are just friends.” She tries to sound convincing. It’s one thing to delude herself, but she doesn't want to give Henry the wrong message.

“Right. Friends who drop everything as soon as they see something that would hurt their  _ friend _ to go and make it better. And I’m not only talking about Emma, since you are here with no personal belongings, which tells me you just ran out of the house.” 

Regina feels her cheeks blush, “Wouldn’t you do the same for Robin?” 

“I’d call,” Henry shrugs again, “Anyway, it’s about to start…” 

“The what?” 

“You don’t know?” the teenager asks, and when Regina shakes her head, he pulls a chair for her, “boy, you are in for a surprise.” 

Regina then notices that the music has been replaced by a man’s voice, “Gooooooood moooooorning Storybrooke! Welcome to today’s  _ Talkster _ , I’m your host Neal Gold and today with us is the one and only Sheriff Swan!”

Emma is on a talk show with Neal Gold, the son of Mayor Malcolm’s biggest partner and campaign supporter. 

“Hello everyone and thank you for having me, Neal!” 

“So, I was surprised to get your call today, but then I saw the Daily Mirror and everything was clear…” Neal says and Regina stops breathing. “For those of you who still haven’t read, future Candidate Mills used to be married to our dear Emma and when she left town, she abandoned-.”

“Let me stop you right there, Neal,” Emma sounds calm and her voice is like Regina’s lifeline. “Regina didn’t abandon me. She took a job offer and I was supposed to move to Boston with her. Sadly, as you might know, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I decided to stay and help her.” 

“But Regina still left you, in those times of need.” 

“I encouraged her. I didn’t ask her to say. It was a great job offer, and if you love someone, sometimes, you have to let go.” 

“So, you’re saying that you don’t hold a grudge against the person who did this to you? The person who broke your heart and destroyed you as a person?”

“No.” Emma’s voice doesn’t waver. “No, I don’t, and no Regina didn’t destroy me as a person. She was the one who suggested that I go to the police academy, that we could adopt if we wanted children. A great part of what I am today is thanks to her. She was a positive influence in my life and I’m sure she’ll be a positive influence in this town, which is why I publicly give my full support to Regina Mills. This town needs change and I for one, can’t wait to see what she achieves.” 

Regina’s jaw drops; she can’t believe what she is hearing. Next to her, Henry is wearing a smug smile and mutters, “ _ Friends my ass _ ,” into his mug and Regina can’t bring herself to berate him for the crass language he used.

Emma gave her support to Regina’s campaign, Emma said on radio that she doesn’t hold a grudge against Regina, that Regina was a positive influence on her life. Her heart is beating so fast, she thinks she’s going to vomit it. 

A call in the talk show brings her attention back to the radio. Regina tries to calm her heart as Neal starts talking again. 

“Oh, our first call. Let’s see who it might be!” he says, “You are on air, please state your name and your question or comment.” 

“Fiona Malcolm,” the caller says. “I just wanted to remind Sheriff Swan who gave her her job and who can take it away.” 

“Actually, Madam Mayor…” Emma answers, “The people of Storybrooke voted for me, you were just part of the ceremony. If you think I’m not doing my job correctly, it is under your jurisdiction to remove me from the force. But I suggest you do it fast, I don’t think you have much time left.” 

The talk show ends abruptly after that, Neal says they don’t have other calls even though it feels like a lie and introduces the Lost Boys’ new song. 

“Nope,” Henry turns the radio off, and then offers. “They are Violet’s friends,” 

“It’s ok, I’m not a fan of boy bands, anyway.” Regina stands up and starts going through Emma’s cupboards. “So, Robin told me about this new girl who has been hanging out with you guys,” 

“Jacinda, but we call her Jas,” his eyes shine a little. “She just moved with her family from the Dominican Republic. Her parents will teach spanish at our school. She’s so fun.” 

“Mmm, Robin said she’s very pretty, too,” Regina adds as she places the flour, sugar and cinnamon on the table.

Henry blushes a little, “Yeah, I mean… she’s…” he mumbles a little, “she’s not like anyone I’ve met,” he confesses. “When I’m with her, I feel like the world is at my reach. Am I too young to feel that way?” 

“I was your age when I met Emma. She made me feel the same way too,” she pats his shoulder, and goes to check if there are eggs and butter in the fridge. “Does she feel the same way about you?” 

“I - I think so.” 

“Well, then take advice from an old lady and don’t let her get away.” 

Henry laughs, “You’re not old. What are we making?” the teen asks.

“Cinnamon cookies. Put an apron on, you are on mixing duty.” 

Henry knows his way around the kitchen, he tells her that Emma taught him how to cook because he shouldn’t rely on a partner to prepare him food and that cooking is not just for women. It makes Regina proud of them both, of Emma and her parenting skills and of the young man Henry is growing to be. 

By the time they are placing the last of the dough on the over tray, the first batch is done. Cautiously, Regina takes them out and places them over the counter to cool down.

“Be careful, they are still hot, you’ll burn your tongue.” she warns Henry as she sets the timer once again. 

“ _ Yes, mom, _ ” Henry meant as a joke, but it hit Regina like a bullet to the heart. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes when he sees that Regina didn’t find it funny. “I didn’t think.”

“It’s ok, Henry,” the brunette cups his cheek, not wanting the boy to feel bad about a meaningless comment. “You didn’t say anything wrong, it’s just…” she tries to come up with a way to explain it in a way he’ll understand. “As you grow older, you have to decide between different options, and each time you choose a path, the other becomes a ‘what if,’ and sometimes those ‘what ifs’ hurt.” 

“So, for you, it’s ‘ _ what if I had stayed in Storybrooke? _ ’, right?” 

Regina nods, “What if I had stayed in Storybrooke? Would I still be with Emma? Would you…” she trails off, this isn’t a conversation to have with a teenager, especially the son of your ex-wife.

Henry senses her unease, places a hand over Regina’s, and says, “ _ I _ would be cousins with Robin and we’d either hate each other and make family dinners awkward,” he provides a comic relief, and Regina can’t thank him enough, “or, we’d be inseparable and our moms would go crazy everytime we prank someone at school.” 

“From what I hear from Zelena, that last one is not far from the truth,” because Robin and Henry were excellent students, but also pranksters, and the only reason they haven’t been expelled yet was because they always won debate competitions, and because Cora Mills made yearly donations to the school.

The doorbell interrupts them, and Regina would be lying if she said she was not happy to have an excuse not to keep having this conversation with the teenager. She drops her hand from Henry’s cheek and takes a deep breath, replacing all raw emotions with a polite smile. 

“Must be Emma,” she points out as she removes the apron she was wearing. “I’ll go open the door for her.” 

She checks herself in the mirror before opening the door. Emma seems better than when she had left. She looks happy and at peace, Regina can feel her hands shaking from holding back and it takes a lot of self restraint not to lean in and press her lips against Emma’s.  _ Friends _ , Regina reminds herself of what they are. Friends do not get to touch and kiss each other on the lips. 

“Emma, thank you. You didn’t have to do that… especially if your job is on the line.” 

“Always protect the Queen, remember?” Emma says with a lopsided smile and winks at her. “What’s that smell?” the blonde sniffs, “Wait, are you baking cinnamon cookies?” She sounds like the seventeen year old girl Regina met all those years ago. 

“Yes.” 

“ _ OhmygodIloveyousomuch _ ,” she places a kiss on Regina’s cheek and runs into the kitchen. “Henry you better not eat all the cookies!” 

Regina touches the place Emma’s lips had touched. And that’s when Regina realizes, she wasn’t actually stuck between an ‘I love you’ and a ‘fuck you, forever’: she never stopped loving Emma Swan. 


	12. delicate

_  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
_ _Is it chill that you're in my head?  
_ _'Cause I know that it's delicate_

* * *

The grandfather clock chimes through the walls of the house, officially marking October 1st, the day she had chosen to register as a candidate. Regina sits in front of her unlit fireplace, nursing a glass of the cider her mother had brought earlier that week. 

This is it. Today is the beginning of the end. Until now, her candidacy had been unofficial, more like ‘testing the waters,’ rather than going full in. Now, she had enough sponsors to pay for her candidacy and gathered enough signatures from citizens who supported her. Today, the real fight starts: convincing the majority of the citizens that she was the change they needed. 

As Kathryn had suggested, their target group was young adults who were thinking about leaving the city, but she also wanted to reach young families and retired people. She wanted everyone to feel welcomed in her Storybrooke. There were plans for better schooling, social day cares for elderly, possible projects and start-ups for young adults, and the list went on and on. 

It’s going to require a lot of work and sacrifice, but she’s not afraid. She has her family and friends, she can do it. Besides, whatever the result of the election is, she will not regret coming back to Storybrooke. She is doing better than she ever was. 

She is wearing the yellow hoodie Emma had lent her almost two months ago and she had never returned. She had used it a couple of times already so Emma’s scent had been washed off, but just knowing that it belonged to the blonde made her feel safe, grounded. 

During these past weeks, Emma had been one of Regina’s biggest supporters, helping her with the sponsors and signatures. Sometimes, it felt as if time hadn’t passed, as if they were still the same young adults that they were ten years ago. But then something would trigger a memory and the pain from their separation would come rushing in, like the waves on a windy day at the beach. 

Nevertheless, being with Emma made her be the best version of herself, Regina had realised days ago. The blonde brought joy and light to Regina’s life in a way she hadn’t felt in years. 

The silence that surrounds her thoughts is interrupted by the doorbell. She stands up and places the tumbler on the table before going to answer the door. This is something she enjoys about Storybrooke, the sense of safety; if someone would ring her bell at this time in Boston, she’d open the door with caution if she knew the person on the other side, or not open at all if it was a stranger. 

“Emma,” she lets out when she realizes who is standing on her porch. The blonde is looking at the sky, but as soon as she hears her name, she turns around to face the brunette. 

“Nice hoodie,” Emma smirks.

“I was going to return it, eventually,” she fights the instinct to lower her eyesight. She’s usually so confident and so independent, so why is it that Emma Swan can reduce her to a shy teenager? 

“Sure,” the blonde says smugly and leans against the doorframe. Regina wraps her arms around herself, the telltale of her insecurity. “Keep it. It looks better on you, anyway.” 

The brunette clears her voice, “So, it’s past midnight…” 

“Yes. I was out patrolling and I saw the lights were on so I decided to check up on you.” 

It is then when Regina realizes that Emma is wearing her uniform under her black leather jacket. She has never been one of those women who like people in uniform, but seeing Emma wearing it does things to her. 

“I can’t sleep,” she answers, as if it’s not obvious. 

“Want some company? The stars look beautiful tonight...” Regina recognizes the indirect invitation to stargaze. They used to spend hours in the garden, looking at the stars, Emma making up constellations and creating stories about them. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” The brunette tilts her chin, pointing at the police pickup parked in front of her house with her nose. 

“Don’t tell my boss,” Emma winks at her. “And I don’t want to bother her too much during her last days in the office.” 

Regina raises an eyebrow and smiles at the implication. “Fine, let me grab a jacket and some blankets.” 

They sit close to each other in a shared blanket and Emma wraps the other one around their shoulders with the excuse that they don’t want to lose body heat. It's a new moon tonight, so the stars shine brighter without the moon’s light. 

“Did you know that currently Venus is retrograde?” Emma asks. 

The lawyer hums, “what does that mean?”

“I don’t know, I read it in a magazine a few days ago and thought it would make me look coool,” Emma laughs at her own confession and Regina soon joins her. It encourages Emma to start making up stories about what a retrograde Venus meant and how it will definitely positively influence Regina’s upcoming campaign. 

And Regina can’t stop herself from laughing out loud at Emma, running with her wildest theories, their horoscope and made up predictions. She feels better now, less nervous and free, ready to face Fiona. She leans against the blonde and lays her head on Emma’s shoulder. 

Emma keeps on talking and Regina just hums along, not really paying attention to what is being said, but relishing the moment that makes her feel as if she stepped in a time machine and went ten years back in time.  _ Time _ . Cutting her heart open and then healing it. 

The brunette had made peace with the fact that she had never stopped being in love with Emma, but she knows she still owes Emma an apology. She had been too afraid to say it outloud, fearing it would break whatever she and Emma had built ever since she moved back. But tonight, it felt right to just say those words. 

“I’m sorry,” Regina whispers, interrupting Emma’s babbles about astrology. Emma cranes her neck to look at Regina, “for all the pain I caused you,” the brunette explains, and there are tears threatening to leave her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t work harder to save our relationship. I’m sorry I gave up on you when things got hard. I’m sorry that I was selfish to only think about my needs and not about yours.” 

Once she starts apologizing, she can’t stop, as if a dam breaks and the water just rushes to its natural course. She’s ugly crying now, but she continues: 

“I’m sorry I destroyed your heart. I’m sorry I left you alone when your mother was sick. I’m sorry I pushed for the divorce without trying to heal what I broke. I’m sorry I mailed the divorce papers instead of coming myself and facing the situation. I’m sorry I kept on bothering you instead of checking the boxes as you asked. I’m  _ so _ sorry.”

Emma hugs the body that is slumped against hers tighter. “Shh, it’s ok…” The blonde consoles her. And Regina keeps on crying while Emma rocks their bodies and keeps on repeating, “it’s ok.” Finally, Regina starts calming down. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

“How?” Regina puts some distance between them, brown eyes locking into green eyes. “How can you be so good?”

Emma smiles, “I realised it was not only your fault our marriage didn’t work out,” she explains kindly and wipes Regina’s tears away. “Plus, I can’t stay mad at you for too long. I think it goes against my nature. Like, I’m sure my cells commit  _ apoptosis  _ when I get angry at you.” She uses the word Regina had taught her years ago when Emma casually commented that her cells were dying of boredom. 

Regina laughs but says, “Emma, I’m being serious right now.”

“And I’m not, what else is new?” Emma replies. “Look, thank you for the apology, I appreciate it. Also, judging by your tears, I think you needed to let that out. But I mean it when I say I forgave you a long time ago. The real question is, do you forgive yourself?” 

“I’m trying.” 

“Good,” Emma says and pulls Regina’s body against her, “I have yet to see you fail at something you try,” she adds before kissing Regina’s temple. 

And Regina is not only wrapped in Emma’s strong arms, but also in a state of tranquility. She feels like a huge weight has been removed from her chest. The two of them stay like that until the cold gets to them. 

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Emma rubs her hands against Regina’s arms, when she feels the brunette shivering. “It would be unfortunate for you to catch a cold.” 

The lawyer nods silently, as the other woman helps her to her feet and wraps both blankets they have been using around her. Her eyelids feel heavy and she knows that the tiredness from the day is getting to her. 

The short walk from the front garden to the door is silent, but not in an uncomfortable way. They move slowly, trying to make the most out of their last seconds together, and it makes Regina feel like a teenager again. 

“So,” Emma starts once they have reached the door. She looks like a mermaid below a full moon: pale skin, almost white hair, shiny eyes and a mesmerizing voice. 

Whatever she’s about to say it’s interrupted by her walkie-talkie: “ _ We have a 10-56 on Main Street. _ ” 

Emma grabs the device that lays against her shoulder and replies with a “ _ copy _ ,” before looking at Regina and saying, “Sorry, duty calls. Are you sure you’re going to be alright? I feel bad for leaving you like this…” 

Regina sniffs but smiles at her, “I’m better, thank you.” 

“If you need anything, I’m a call away.” 

“I’ll be fine, really,” the brunette assures her, as she places her hands over Emma’s chest, just above her boobs, and tries to gently push her away. “Now, go deal with whatever a 10-56 is.” 

“Drunk pedestrian, most likely Leroy.” Emma explains as she resists the push, instead takes a step towards Regina. “I have to do something first, though,” 

“Yes?” Regina asks, aware that Emma’s eyes are on her lips. Her heart is beating like crazy. Her mouth dries and she feels her hands, which are still laying on Emma’s chest, getting sweaty.

Emma’s eyes flick from Regina’s lips to her eyes, trying to find any indication why she should stop herself, but finding none. So, she closes the distance between them and presses her lips against Regina’s. And kissing Emma feels like coming home, like taking a breath after being underwater for too long. 

It starts slow, tentatively, like their first kiss all those years ago. But now, they have experience and history and weeks of yearning, so it builds up quickly into a passionate kiss. Regina slides her hands from Emma’s chest to wrap her arms around Emma’s neck and tangles her hands in her blonde ponytail. Emma snakes her hands around Regina’s waist, resting them right above Regina’s ass. Their bodies are glued together, and Emma pushes Regina against the closed door. 

“I should get going,” Emma says; she sounds out of breath and looks a little flushed. 

“That’s -” Regina clears her throat, both staying rooted against the door. “That’s probably a good idea.” 

“Right,” Emma gives Regina a quick last kiss, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she adds before moving away. 

Regina watches her walk towards the pickup, a hand over her heart that is still racing from the emotions that are rushing through her veins. 

“Emma,” the brunette calls, and the blonde turns around right away. “I didn’t say all those weeks ago, when you mentioned it, but I’ll always love you, too.” 

Emma brightens up, and for a moment, it looks like she could jump and do a happy dance, but then she remembers the time and that the neighbors are sleeping, so she settles for a smile. “Good,” she exclaims. “I was starting to worry that I was alone at this  _ loving forever _ thing,” the blonde adds before climbing into the vehicle and driving away. 

And Regina, she feels unstoppable. 


	13. sparks fly

_  
Get me with those green eyes, baby  
_ _As the lights go down  
_ _Gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
_ _'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile_

* * *

The next day passes in a blur, Regina notices, as her mother is calling her to give a thank you speech to all of her donors. She can’t believe that in less than twenty four hours Emma had kissed her, she had officially become a candidate for Mayor of Storybrooke and now was at a dinner her mother had organized to thank her sponsors. 

She stands up from her chair, looking at her family, friends, and sponsors, giving them a genuine smile. She had prepared a speech for tonight, but being in front of them, realizing she’s one step closer to becoming Storybrooke’s Mayor, makes her forget the words she had practiced. 

Her eyes roam across the crowd of familiar faces until they settle on a pair of green eyes. She looks at Emma and she feels grounded, the blonde winks, enjoying the secret moment they are sharing. Then, the sheriff gives her two thumbs up and her trademark smile that could probably light up the whole town. Regina takes a deep breath and starts. 

“Thank you all for being here and for the trust you have stored in me.” She is now looking at the other guests. “My whole life, I’ve dreamt of making a change, leaving this world better than how I found it and you have helped me take the first step. We have tough days ahead of us, but know this: I will fight with everything I’ve got.” Their silent nods boost her confidence, she continues her speech. “This candidacy may have my name on it, but it belongs to us all. I will win this election and I will be the Mayor you and all of Storybrooke deserves. Once again, thank you! And enjoy the meal!”

Her short speech is followed by Cora Mills making a toast on Regina’s honor and everyone cheering with her. After dinner, she is approached by different people, congratulating her on her plans or making suggestions of things that could be improved. By the time people are starting to leave, she is starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed with everything. It’s not the work that is starting to scare her, it is the expectations from everyone around her. The lack of sleep is probably not helping either. On top of everything, she wishes she could just go home and cuddle with Emma. 

Deciding it’s time to step out and catch some fresh air, Regina excuses herself from the conversation about public spaces and parks she’s having with her father, Emma’s father and Mr. French, and walks through the backyard doors. It had been sunny all day, so the night was pleasantly warm, probably the last one before fall starts. 

The Mills garden had always been Regina’s favorite part of their house. One of her favorite childhood memories was watering the plants with her father. She walks through the garden, trailing her fingers over the bushes and flowers, letting their soft texture and scent ground her. 

Regina stops in front of her old treehouse. It’s a simple one room treehouse that her father and Mr. Gepetto had built when Zelena and Regina were children. Some restaurations had been made when Robin was a child, as a precaution, so the structure was still safe to use.

Without thinking too much about it, Regina turns on her phone’s flashlight and climbs the stairs. Inside the house is empty, except for a small wooden table and an old rug. It’s probably for the best; there’s not much room left if you’re not a child anyway. 

Regina sits on the rug, not caring about getting her pencil skirt dirty and leans back against a wall. She crosses her legs at the ankles, closes her eyes and breaths, finally relaxing. 

She wonders if Emma left already. After the speech, she had seen Emma a few times, but she had always been talking with one of her sponsors, so it would have been rude to just walk away and seek out Emma. Henry had come along to the dinner, mostly to keep Robin company, but it was already past ten on a school night so it made sense that the Swan clan had left already. She wishes Emma would be here with her, though. Their kiss feels like a lifetime ago and it has left Regina wanting for more. 

“I was starting to think you had bounced,” someone says from the door and it startles Regina. 

“Jesus!” 

“No, it’s just me, Emma,” the blonde chuckles and crawls into the treehouse. “I couldn’t find any alone time with you to congratulate you properly,” she comments. “Scoot,” she gently taps on Regina’s legs. 

Regina slides to one side, slightly bending her legs in order to make space for Emma. “Well, now you found some alone time,” the brunette points out with a smile. 

Emma hums and sits cross legged in front of Regina. “That I did,” her mind seems to be million miles away. She is looking at Regina’s lips like she used to when they were younger, as if they hold all the answers. It makes Regina burn with desire but she doesn’t move; she wants Emma to set the tempo to the new development in their relationship.

Emma leans in and lets her nose brush against Regina, driving the brunette crazy with need. “Are you sure?” she asks in a whisper.

“ _ Emma _ ,” Regina lets out, and it’s all it takes for Emma to grab the lapels of Regina’s blazer and pull Regina towards her. 

Regina tries to move to straddle Emma, a task that is impossible with the skirt. Emma, always her knight in shining armor, pushes the material upwards, without any care, crumpling it at Regina’s hips and effectively freeing Regina’s legs. Regina finds she doesn’t care about the state of her skirt; the only thing that matters now is swinging one leg over Emma’s hip and sitting on the blonde’s lap. 

Emma pulls her impossibly close, hands freeing the hem of Regina’s chiffon blouse from the skirt. Regina is slowly grinding against Emma’s body, as she sucks on Emma’s bottom lip. It has been years since they’ve done this, but their bodies have not forgotten. 

“It’s like riding a bike,” Emma jokes when she brushes her tongue and teeth gently against a sensitive spot on the brunette’s neck and Regina moans. 

“The only thing I want to ride right now is you,” Regina says, as she fumbles with Emma’s buttons. 

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” 

“Emma, don’t bring up my mother when we’re about to have sex,” the brunette complains, and she is still fighting with Emma’s buttons, so Emma takes pity on her and opens them herself. 

As soon as Emma’s breasts are exposed, Regina leaves a trail of kisses from Emma’s collarbone towards one of the breasts, as she palms the other one. She always loved Emma’s perky boobs. Regina pinches one of the nipples, as she gingerly bites and swirls the other one with her tongue. Emma whimpers and pulls Regina’s head closer to her chest. Regina feels her own orgasm start to build up to a climax, so she stops rubbing her core against Emma. She wants Emma to come first. She wants this to last. She wants this to be meaningful and not just a quickie.

“Fuck,” Emma throws her head backwards. Regina takes it as an invitation to nibble from her nipple back up to her ear. “Fuck,” she repeats. It comes out as a whine this time, as she squeezes Regina’s ass, inviting Regina to continue grinding against her. 

Emma drags her hands from Regina’s ass to her back, rediscovering Regina’s curves. She removes the blouse in one swift movement and groans when she sees Regina’s lace bra. “God, I’ve missed your sexy lingerie,” she mutters as she rubs Regina’s nipples over the lace with her thumbs. 

Regina trails her fingers from Emma’s breast down towards her pants, leaving goosebumps in her wake. She began to unbutton Emma’s suit pants with ease, as she kisses and bites Emma’s lips. Emma feels a warmth in her gut as Regina puts her hand in. The blonde pants as Regina trails Emma’s sex with her fingers. She feels so wet.

Regina smirks as she circles Emma’s pussy, “You’re drenched...” 

“Regina, I swear if you - !” cried Emma. 

“May I?” she interrupts, asking for permission to enter. 

Emma moans and nods, “Yes, yes. Hurry up!” 

The blonde groans as the brunette plunges a finger into her. When she feels Emma’s walls tightening a bit, she puts another finger in as she thrusts. And Emma moans louder as she feels the fullness. She’s burning with desire and she’s being very vocal about it. 

Regina nibbles at Emma’s neck, dragging the orgasm out of Emma. It’s definitely going to leave a mark. Emma had always been a fan of love bites so Regina figures she won’t mind, or else she would have stopped her already. 

“Yes,” the blonde hisses and starts matching Regina’s tempo. “Yes, yes,” she repeats, as Regina picks up the speed and starts rubbing Emma’s clit with her thumb. And suddenly, Emma is cumming: jaw clenched, eyes scrunched, whispering Regina’s name.

“You’re right; _ it is  _ like riding a bike.” Regina gazes at the other woman as she licks her fingers. Emma whimpers at the sight of Regina tasting her juices.

“Don’t sound too smug about it,” Emma pretends to be mad, but they are both smiling. “You’re  _ so _ hot during sex,” Emma comments as she brushes a strand of hair from Regina’s face and tucks it behind the brunette’s ear. “I mean, you are always hot, but there is this carefree and wild aura that you have when you are having sex. It’s incredible.”

Regina blushes, not used to hearing compliments anymore. Back when she was with Emma, she used to get them all the time. In Boston, people would hit on her, but their comments would be lewd.

“I forgot how good it was.” Emma says, her hands are now around Regina’s trunk, holding her tightly, as if she was afraid Regina would just disappear. “Give me a sec and I’ll return the favor.” 

Regina caresses Emma’s cheeks before leaning in and kissing her. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got time,” she says and she means it. 

The brunette smiles as she climbs off Emma and they both lay down, side by side. Regina rests her head over the blonde’s shoulder. The blonde’s legs are hanging out from the treehouse now, and Regina’s are draped over Emma’s. 

“I always dreamt of being by your side forever,” Emma plays with the ring that still hangs around Regina’s neck. She had recognized it right away. She wishes she had never placed hers with the divorced papers but instead hung onto it, like Regina did. 

“I think you always have.” Regina admits, half asleep, as she curls up against Emma. “I love you to Saturn,” she professes like they used to when they were married.

“I love you, to Saturn,” Emma places a kiss on the top of Regina’s head, “and back,”

“Goodnight,” Regina mumbles before drifting off. 

She knows they are wearing close to nothing, their hair is tousled and Emma probably isn’t the only one with a couple of hickeys. She knows their parents will most likely find them tomorrow morning in this compromising position, but somehow, safely tucked in Emma’s arms, she doesn’t really care about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Chris, for helping me writing the sex scene :)


	14. paper rings

_  
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings  
_ _Uh huh, that's right  
_ _Darling, you're the one I want, and  
_ _I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this_

* * *

✵

_ Two years later _

Regina is pacing from one side to the other, and it’s starting to drive Emma crazy. To deal with the Regina-induced anxiety, Emma drums her fingers against her legs. Henry is very amused, but decides to keep his comments to himself, knowing that nothing good comes from teasing Regina or Emma when they are anxious. They are at the registry office waiting for the lady who is taking care of their business. 

“I’m sorry,” the lady says when she finally comes back with a folder  in her hands . “The online registry says you’re already married.” 

“There must be an error,” Regina is already at the front desk. 

“No, you’re both married,” she repeats, “to each other.” 

“We were,” Regina explains as if the lady was stupid, “We were married and filed for divorce. I sent the papers around two years ago. I got the notification.” 

“Mhm, and did you happen to read said notification, Madam Mayor?” 

“No…” to read that her marriage to Emma had finally ended would have been too painful. 

“Well. It says here that it was rejected because only one party signed the divorce papers,” the lady at the registry says. “I have a copy of the file you sent right here,” she adds, opening the folder and handing them a document.

Emma leans in as Regina takes the document and flips the pages to the part where the signatures should be. There was Emma’s signature above her name. Next to it, above Regina’s name, there was only a blank space. 

“You forgot to sign the papers?” Emma says with a smile. “You.  _ Regina Mills _ , pedantic and detail oriented, forgot to sign the divorce papers.” 

“I completely forgot that I didn’t sign the first copy I sent you,” Regina closes the divorce document, “I signed every single copy I sent after that.”

“And you didn’t check, double check and triple check before filing?” Emma is teasing her, but it’s getting on Regina’s nerves, “That doesn’t sound like the Regina I married…”

“I was in a very distressed state when I mailed them, alright?” Regina says in a defensive tone. 

“Hey, hey,”  Emma stops teasing her and places her hands on Regina’s shoulders . “I’m happy about it. I never wanted to divorce you in the first place.” 

“I just... I wanted a clean slate.”  Regina drops her head and leans against Emma’s shoulder . 

“We don’t need a stupid paper for that, Regina.” Emma points out rubbing her wife’s back. “But, we can renew our vows if it will make you happy.” 

Regina smiles at her, “a small ceremony at the north side of the beach?” 

“Whatever you want. It could be in a castle with the whole town, or with paper rings on a sidewalk and I’d still love it.” Emma then grabs Regina’s hands and turns at Henry, “there’s something else we wanted to ask you,” the blonde adds and Henry steps forward. 

“Um - well, you are great,” Henry scratches the nape of his head, “And married to Emma. And you give great advice and I know in a couple of years, I’ll be over age and no longer anyone’s responsibility, but I was wondering if you’d want to be my second mom,” he is rambling, so he decides to shut up and shoves a folder into Regina’s hands. 

Regina takes the folder and opens it, emotions finally catching up as she reads the title ‘ _ petition for the adoption of Henry Swan _ ’.  She feels like her chest is going to explode from all the happiness she is feeling.  She looks up and sees Emma and Henry looking at her, both expectant and nervous. 

“Oh, Henry!” She hugs him tightly. There are tears of happiness going down her cheeks. “I’d love to be your mother, not until you turn eighteen, but until I die.” 

Henry’s eyes tear up too, even though he’ll never admit it. Emma looks at them hugging for a couple of seconds before jumping in and wrapping her arms around her two favorite people.  _ Her family _ . 

“So, how about we sign the papers and go celebrate?” Emma proposes with a smile.

Regina still has her arm around Henry. “Yes, I'd love that.” 

“Just don’t forget to sign the papers this time,” the blonde teases her. 

She rolls her eyes and says, “I’m never going to hear the end of it, am I?” as she signs the petition to adopt Henry and hands them in to the lady.. 

“Nope!” Emma gives Regina a quick peck. 

And Regina finds out, she doesn’t really mind. For the first time in a long time, she feels complete. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ✵
> 
> All chapters, their intros and titles and the story title were inspired by Taylor Swift, who owns my heart, and her beautiful music.


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